I'll Love You from Afar...

A Holiday Filled Memory

"Alright everyone, on three yell Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Parker!"

"He said on three, Y/N!"

"Calm down Peter, Y/N's just in the Christmas spirit. Ok ready? One... Two... Three!"

"Merry Christmas!"

The tape clicked off. Twelve-year-old Y/N and Peter were sitting on the couch, watching old Christmas tapes from their younger years. They were mostly just funny videos of them from past years, but every once in a while the sad memory of the lost would show up, which caused them to stay in a silence that seemed to stop time. Has it really been six years, already? Peter wondered, taking a sip out of his hot chocolate.

Y/N could tell that the mood had deflated and that Peter was uncomfortable. She'd always been good at catching on to changes in his behavior, although it's not all that impressive considering that there's always a visible difference depending on his mood. When he was sad, he'd try to distract himself with something else, like right now, as he daintily sipped his hot chocolate. Y/N smiled sadly and got up from her spot on the couch. Peter didn't seem to notice, as he was too busy staring at the coffee table. The young girl went to grab her friend's coat and mittens, she figured a little physical activity would do them both good. Once everything was collected she went into the master bedroom where Peter's aunt and uncle were happily reading in their bed. Aunt May didn't seem to notice the girl walk in, but the man did.

"Hey, Y/N, what are you doing?" He quirked an eyebrow and closed his book. May closed her book as well to see the young Stark with her nephew's winter wear.

"Hi Ben! Um, Peter and I were watching some home videos and we came across..." Faces of sad realization washed over the two adults. "Um, well, anyway, I was wondering if we could all go to Central Park to get his mind off of it?" Y/N asked

Uncle Ben got up from his spot on the bed and grabbed his keys, then turned to his wife.

"Let's go, shall we?" He smiled. Y/N excitedly went back out to the living room to see Peter, now drinking his friends hot cocoa.

"Come on, Peter," she chirped, throwing his winter stuff on the couch. "We're going to Central Park." She slipped her mittens on and stuffed his head into his hat. The boy slowly equipped himself in his winter apparel. The two children had trouble putting on their boots, but eventually, with pained fingers, they were finally able to comfortably fit their feet in the shoes.

"You kids ready?" Uncle Ben called from the hallway. Peter and Y/N hopped off the couch and headed toward the door.

For the rest of the day, they played in the snow in Central Park with various snowball fights between all four of them. The mood was lifted, decorated with taunting laughter and silly giggling, all of them being at the peak of content since for them nothing was better than this. The grief of the past was forgotten. No one thought of Peter's parents, and Y/N didn't think of her parents fighting. The rest of their lives didn't matter as long as they were all together. For a moment everything was perfect, and for a moment everything felt like home.

"Hey, do you kids wanna get some Delmar's?" The two nodded and started skipping back to Uncle Ben's car, past the ice skaters and the carolers wishing Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays in sing-song voices and gigglish tones spreading light and cheer.

"I love the holidays," Y/N sighed, recalling past Christmas' with her make-shift family.

"Really? I just find them harder and harder each year," Peter said glumly, looking down at his feet.

"Ok, Charlie Brown," Y/N smiled and looked at her friend. "Why is that?"

"Well, first off, I think I'm much more of a Linus Van Pelt than a Charlie Brown. Second... I don't know, I guess it just gets weirder to think about how the years pile up. How many Christmases I've spent without my parents. It's kind of strange..." He looked up from the ground and glanced at Y/N. She seemed to be deep in thought, collecting memories from before the plane crash.

"I get that, but I have a feeling that your parents wouldn't want you to feel weird during a time you're meant to be at your happiest."

Peter continued to look at Y/N, the white of the snow, making the outline of her side profile more prominent. Her cheeks and even the tip of her nose were brushed with pink from the cold. She had a few snowflakes caught on her eyelashes and her hair had some snow in it as a result of their vicious snowball fight. The young boy couldn't help his heart from fluttering, but then he remembered what Ned said. "You can't like Y/N! If you like Y/N and she doesn't like you back she'll never forgive you for ruining what you two already have. Besides, girls aren't worth it, trust me, man, the only love we'll experience is from video games." It was foolish to listen to a twelve-year-old boy rather than his feelings but Peter was new to this kind of stuff, and Ned was considered the ladies man of the pair. That still couldn't stop him from fawning over the young girl, but he was quick to suppress his feelings.

"Hey, maybe this year you, Aunt May, and Uncle Ben can come over for Christmas. You'd get to celebrate with the Avengers..." she said with a lingering tone trying to convince him to ask his aunt and uncle.

"Yeah, that'd be fun!" He said excitedly. Y/N looked behind them and saw May and Ben walking along the path hand in hand and sharing secrets with one another. Although the Parkers had lost almost everything, the family they have right now was perfect in Y/N's eyes. Aunt May was the comedian, always ready to entertain Peter's friends or start up a vigorous conversation with Ben's coworkers. Peter was the exact opposite, he was always nervous around people and would stumble over his words. He absolutely hated conversation unless it was among his friends. And Ben, I guess you could say Ben was the glue, always there for Peter's pre-pubescent struggles and very affectionate toward May. He knew the right dose of attention that each of them needed. They were a small but happy family. But happiness comes to an end.

***

"Y/N!" I stumbled back in my chair.

"Sorry, what were we talking about?" I said, looking back at Pepper. She chuckled and glanced at her clipboard, before setting it down.

"Were you thinking about a certain arachnid?" She smiled, placing one of her palms under her chin.

"Um... well it was more of a memory..." I took a bite of my cereal, then set the spoon back down in the bowl. "About the December before my mom left."

"Oh."

"It wasn't about her, though, it was about Peter's family, and his Uncle Ben." I said.

"He was a good man," Pepper said sadly. She never really liked it when someone brought up loss. I assumed it was probably a reaction of trauma or maybe she couldn't bear the possibility that my dad could be one of those souls - which is why I don't plan on telling her about my suit.

I sighed. "Yeah he was, but I was thinking about how Peter and I used to be. Before, you know Ben, Spider-Man, etc and I guess I miss it."

Pepper stayed silent, taking what I said. Pepper and I were never really close. Mainly because I'd always go to Natasha and Wanda for my problems, they matched my personality more and it was easier for me to open up to them. Yet with Pepper, it was like I was talking to FRIDAY.

"Come on, you're going to be late for school," she said, picking her clipboard back up and walking away.