"Sorry natagalan..." she gently nods and smiles.
"It's fine... but did you cry?" I made sure I look well before heading here but my eyes are still puffy.
She's observant like Niña. Halatang halata naman din kasi. Wala akong nilagay na kahit ano sa mukha. Tanging hilamos lang ang ginawa ko kanina.
"Wala lang 'to, let's go!" I fake my smile and look away. I hear her sighs but I continued acting like everything's normal.
Kahit na hindi ako nakatingin sa kanya ay alam kong may gusto siyang sabihin. She glances at me every minute. Gusto ko siyang suwayin dahil nagmamaneho siya pero hindi ko na ginawa. Hanggang sa nakarating kami ay ganoon ang ginawa niya.
Hindi naman masyadong maingay sa napiling bar ni Keyla. There's a lot of people here but they're just chillin. May mga sumasayaw pero hindi sa dancefloor.
Pinili ni Keyla ang pwesto na hindi masyadong malapit sa kung nasaan ang tugtog. Maybe because she knew I am going to study. Kaunti lang ang nasa banda namin at hindi tulad sa kabila na maingay.
"Wait here I'm just gonna order." Tumango ako at itinuon ang tingin sa binabasa. "Do you want anything? Like... shake?" I look at her and slightly studied her features. Ngumuso ako habang tinititigan siya. She's very pretty.
Bakit kaya...
"Kahit tubig nalang," she excuses herself after. Pinanuod ko siya habang naglalakad papunta sa bar counter. Kung iisipin mas matagal na silang magkakakilala ni Iver pero bakit... Bakit hindi naging sila?
Kita ko naman na may pagtingin siya kay Iver. Maganda siya at may kaya sa buhay. Hindi man lang ba sumagi sa isip niya na umamin sa totoong nararamdaman? Hindi ba nagka-gusto si Iver sa kanya? Mabait naman siya at masaya kasama.
Bagay naman sila...
It's been twenty minutes but Keyla's still not here. I plan to follow where she is but I decided to wait for another minute.
Napaayos ako ng upo nang mapansin kong may nakatingin na pala sa akin. Medyo madilim kung nasaan siya... sila. Napalunok ako nang magtama ang tingin namin nong isa. Napahalakhak 'yong dalawang kasama niya. Nahihiya akong nag-iwas ng tingin. Kanina pa ba sila nakatingin?
Instead of wasting time, I continued reviewing while waiting for Keyla. I drown myself to read every important detail and not minding the surrounding. Ni hindi ko nga namalayan na kanina pa pala si Keyla sa harap ko. She's busy drinking her beer. Sobrang lalim ata ng iniisip niya at bumubuntong-hininga pa.
I stop what I am doing. She looks... sad. I want to ask what her problem is so that I can help her. But then, ayoko namang kulitin siya. I'll wait until she's willing to speak up.
It's funny because I have something in my mind too. I want to help but yet I can't seem to help myself. I want her to vent out but even I, myself can't do it.
It's already one in the morning. She's done drinking. I'm done studying. But none of us attempted to speak. We're just watching people pass us by. Mas umingay ngayong lumalalim na ang gabi. May mga tao na rin sa dancefloor.
They are enjoying it so much. But the two of us seems out of place. We're just silent the whole time.
Nakatunganga lang ako sa mesa. Inaantok na rin ako dahil madaling araw na. Mas nakakaantok dahil walang nagsasalita sa aming dalawa. Kung wala lang tugtog dito malamang kanina pa ako nakatulog.
"I really like him," she murmured all of a sudden. Coldwater splashes into my system. My heart thumps so fast. Tila nahinto lahat ang gumagalaw sa paligid. All I can hear is her remarks and the harsh beating of my heart.
Alam ko naman na may gusto siya kay Iver pero may nag-iba sa nararamdaman ko. The fire inside unexpectedly ignites.
Iba pa rin pala kapag sa kanya na mismo nanggaling. They're both my friend. He knows her first before me. They spend their time before me.
Maybe if she only speaks out her feelings to Iver... if she tells him... Baka sila na at huli na ang lahat sa amin. O baka wala talaga.
She stares at me sadly with her drunken eyes. "You don't like him naman diba?" she's about to verge to cry. Kahit na madilim ay kita ko na nangingilid na ang luha niya. Ang lungkot ng mga mata niya.
"You see, I've known him for many years and I don't know when did my feelings toward him start. It happens... so instantly. Every time I see him my heart can't stop beating." She's sobbing now and I want to hug her but I can't move a finger.
She's conceding her feelings to Iver right in front of me.
I pressed my lip and stared at her. I don't know if she knows what I truly feel. Bakit naman ganito? I am willing to take a risk but why did this happen now? Kaka-sabi ko lang kanina. Maayos na sana pero... gumulo ulit.
"Funny how I pictured myself marrying him! I'm so pathetic! Gosh, Keyla!"
I don't know what to say. Parang nawala lahat ng salita sa akin. My mind is swirling and my heart is thumping like a beast... it's tearing me apart. Tanging ang sinabi niya ang pumapasok sa isipan ko.
She's sobbing like a baby... Just like my heart.
Wala akong ibang ma-isip na gawin kundi ang itayo ang mga paa at aluhin siya. I hug her tight just to feel she's not alone. I want to comfort her even though I'm also hurting. I'm not a hypocrite but I feel one.
We like the same guy... and we're friends. Pero kung iisipin mas matapang siya kesa sa akin. She's not a coward like me. She's venting out while I can't utter a word.
"Wanna know a f-act?" she raised her head and look at me. Nanatili lang akong tahimik habang hinahagod ang likod niya. She bowed down like a child being scolded.
"I just can't take it anymore so I confessed... Umamin ako at sinabi ko sa kanya ang lahat! Kahit alam ko na... Ang sakit!" Umiiling siya habang nakatingin sa kawalan. Na-tanga ako sa kinatatayuan at natigil sa ginagawa. Kung nakikita ko lang ang reaksyon ko... She's so fearless. Ang laki ng pinagkaiba naming dalawa.
Bakit ganoon? Kung lubos iisipin mas lalakas ang loob ko na umamin dahil alam kong may gusto sa akin ang taong gusto niya pero naduwag ako. At ngayon naman nakapag-decide na ako saka naman nangyari 'to.
"But... I understand him. It's hard to push yourself to someone who already possesses his heart. It hurts like hell pero wala na akong magagawa, ayokong ipilit ang hindi maaari."
"Keyla..." tumikhim siya at inayos ang sarili. She wiped her tears away and stands.
"Marami pa naman dyan. Am I right, Lourei?" I gulped and gradually shook my head.
She smiled. "Besides, I know who he likes. Don't know if it's like or loves... Sana ingatan siya nong ma-swerting babae."
