Lover| IT

Coming Out

October-
R.T

Eddie gave me Stan's dorm number and so I payed him a visit. I'm sat on his desk chair, spinning around, whilst he does his homework on his bed. I haven't seen his roommate yet. Stan doesn't seem to like him all that much because he never cleans the dormitory. At least I clean mine every now and then.

"Stanny!" I say in an almost whine. He glances up at me. I've missed his scary glare." Let's do something!"

"I've got homework to do, Richie." He replies and I sigh heavily. Eddie would've dropped everything to hang out. He still hasn't left Myra, though. I also haven't met her still. It's been two weeks since I came out to my parents and not much has changed. I'm still yet to come out to my friends. Including Steve.

"So?" I state and Stanley rolls his eyes. I have missed him so much that I can't stop the smile creeping up on to my face.

"What do you want to do then?" He sighs, giving in, and I grin. He chuckles lightly and we leave his room. His roommate is sat watching TV on the couch. He looks at me, almost checking me out. I recognise him. I just can't quite figure out where from." Oh, Connor, this is my friend Richie. Richie, this is my roommate Connor."

"Hi." Connor greets but I can't bring myself to say anything.

"Dude, why're you being weird? I'm not your fucking boyfriend!"

"Bowers." I mutter out and Stan looks at me before connecting the dots. Except he didn't know what happened that summer. He just knows that Connor is related to our old bully Henry Bowers.

"How'd you know that?" Connor asks and then he looks at me with recognition. Like he remembers the day in the summer of '89." Richie...Tozier."

"Oh, so you remember." I say and Stanley looks at me, slightly confused.

"I didn't even realise I forgot." Connor says. I scoff slightly but I know how that feels." I only did that because of Henry. Because I was scared of him. I didn't mean it."

"You still said those things, though. Those slurs." I say and I can feel myself becoming angry. Which is a rare occasion.

"I'm just going to act like I know what's going on." Stanley states and we both look at him." Rich, you look pissed. Which doesn't happen often. What's going on?"

"I'll explain later. Let's go." I say, taking Stanley's arm and dragging him out of the dorm.

-
We end up in the coffee shop with the other losers. Apart from Eddie and I really want him to be here because I'm gonna come out. I don't want him to be the last to know.

"Are you sure he can't come?" I ask Beverly anxiously, my leg bobbing up and down due to nerves.

"Myra won't let him, babe. I'm sorry." Beverly replies. I let out a sigh and run a hand through my hair. My hair line is already starting to recede and I'm not even 21. Thanks, dad. Thanks a bunch. My dad is balding at age 47.

"Wuh-why are you so nuh-nuh-nervous, anyway?" Bill asks as he sips some herbal tea. I glance at him, my palms sweaty.

"I've got something to tell you and...I don't want Eddie missing out." I state and they all glance at one another.

"What is it?" Ben asks and I scratch my chin nervously. I can feel some stubble growing. I need to shave.

"I'm gay." I mumble and they all stare at me, confused. They didn't hear me. Oh god. I clear my throat and repeat myself, louder." I'm gay!"

"I fucking knew it!" Stan says, pointing to Bill and they laugh slightly. I grab my coffee and hold it tightly. I'm still so nervous." I called that back in Junior year."

"Wait really?" I ask. So it really has been obvious this whole time. The four of them nod and I start to laugh a little." I told my parents a few weeks ago. I was so scared to tell them but I'm so stupid. They're ex-hippies and they met at a free love protest."

"I love your parents even more now." Beverly says and I smile." Does Rachel know?"

"No. I haven't seen her or spoken to her since August." I reply. Rachel and I can go months without talking but when we reconnect, it's like no time has passed at all." Do you think she'll be accepting?"

"Of course she will your sister is a badass." Stan states. I laugh and then remember he used to have a crush on her back in middle school. That was a weird time.

I've met Stanley's girlfriend Patty. She is amazing and way out of his league. She's so funny and she actually likes my jokes. She agrees I should be a comedian, much to Stanley's dismay.

"I should call her." I say and they all agree with a nod. I smile slightly, thankful for having them as my friends.

We spend some more time together, reminicising and me making dumb jokes. It feels weird without Mike and weird without Eddie right now. I wonder how Mike is doing. Where he is. What he's studying. If he's well.

Once I get back to my dorm, I go over to my phone. My dorm is a lot cleaner as I cleaned it a few days ago. I pick up and phone and dial my sister numb, waiting for her to answer. She does after a few rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Rachel. It's me." I say, itching the side of my nose. I'm so goddam nervous again. I feel sick. This is new.

"Hey Richie. How're you doing? Sssh, it's my little brother!"

"El, I need to tell you something." I say and I really feel like I'm going to throw up everywhere." It's important."

"What's up, Rich? You sound upset and scared."

"Rachel...I'm gay." I breathe out and then I gag slightly. I am determined to not throw up right now.

"Okay...and? I know, Rich. You're my kid brother, I know you inside out. I love you, dude. Go be yourself. It's what you deserve. Be happy and don't let anyone bring you down."

"Oh my god. Thank you." I say and I start to cry." El, are you coming to mom and dads at the weekend."

"I might. Why?"

"It's just...I haven't seen you in a while. I miss you." I say and it's true. I really have missed her.

"Fine, you've twisted my leg. I'll be there. There's someone I want you all to meet, anyway."