Lover| IT

The truth comes out

E.K

"Rich!" I call out but he continues to walk away. Fucking hell, Eddie. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

That's it, I've gotta break up with Myra. I want Richie. I need Richie. I want to experience the other kind of love for a change. I sigh and head back into my dorm, closing my door. Myra smiles at me.

"I have to tell you something." I begin. She raises an eyebrow and all I can see is my mother. Maybe that's why I can't break up with her. Because she's just like my mom and I am so scared.

"What?" She asks. Okay, Eds, you can do this. You've got this. Just tell her, for fucks sake. For Richie. For your own sanity.

"I'm gay." I say and it feels good to say out loud. Myra scoffs." Myra. Don't do that."

"What do you mean by you're gay?" She asks." How can you be gay with a girlfriend?"

"Because I was scared and running away from my true self." I reply. She rolls her eyes." I'm not lying, okay? I really am gay and I'm sorry if you're hurt by that. But I can't keep lying to myself. It's affecting my mental health."

"You're so gross. Do you know how wrong that is?!" She begins and I sigh." You're sick, Eddie. Sick."

"I know so save it!" I snap, my chest burns. My vision is blurry. My palms are clammy. I need fresh air.

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" Myra yells as I open my dormitory door. I rush down the stairs and go outside, gasping for air. The cold air hits me and I do the breathing exercises Stanley taught me.

My mind is racing but all I can think about is Richie as I take a slow walk around campus. I suppose I've always felt this way towards him since we were kids. We used to lie on his bed, side by side, listening to music, our hands almost touching. My stomach would be filled with butterflies. He would be blushing and it was perfect. I miss it. I wonder what he's doing.

R.T

I was going to drink alone in my dorm but Steve called and we're in a bar, doing shots. Steve is great company. He reminds me of Eddie slightly. A short, feisty brunette. Steve laughs as I wince from the shot I've just done. Straight vodka burns.

"Want another bourbon?" He asks.

"Of course." I burp, making both of us crack up with laughter. He signals the bartender and gets us two more drinks each. I gulp them both down quickly.

"Oh god this song is so good." Steve sighs as he places down his empty glass. Call Me by Blondie is playing.

"Let's dance, then!" I say, grabbing him by the arm. He laughs and we go onto the dance floor.

We dance together and it feels good. For  second, I forget it's Steve I'm with. He looks like Eddie. I want Eddie. I wish Eddie were here. Eddie used to love Blondie. I wonder if he still does.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by Steve kissing me. I didn't even realise he was gay. I kiss back and he places his hands on my hips. I wrap my arms around his waist and kiss him deeper.

"Let's go to my dorm." I breathe out. Steve smirks and presses another kiss against my lips. I don't know what I'm doing. But it's going to happen." Have some fun."

"Oh definitely." Steve breathed out.

E.K

I've calmed down a lot after walking around aimlessly for an hour. It's freezing and I'm in my pyjamas. I should probably head back inside. Myra will probably be in my room. Oh shit. I'll have to stay in Richie's dorm. He probably won't mind.

I head back inside and go up to Richies floor. His door isn't closed fully and I can hear laughter. Confused, I open the door to find some guy on top of him, the two making out. Richie running his hands up and down the guys bare back. A twinge of jealousy goes in my stomach.

"What the fuck?" I gasp and they pull apart. Richie looks at me with wide eyes.

"Eddie...uh, it's not what it looks like." Richie stammers out. I scoff and turn away, walking back down the hall. I can hear Richie following me, calling out my name." EDDIE, PLEASE!"

"Not what it looks like!" I snap, turning around and facing him. He's putting his shirt back on." I just broke up with Myra because I want to be with you. You said you loved me!"

"I...I'm drunk and...it doesn't mean anything!" He says and the guy walks out of Richie's room awkwardly. He rushes off, leaving us alone." I...I was just upset. I'm sorry."

"Upset because of what? Because of me? Because I was scared for my own health? Because I don't want to be disowned for loving you?!" I snap and his eyes go wide. I didn't even realise I said it before I blurted it out. Thanks mouth. Thanks a lot.

"Yuh-you love me?" He stammers out, his words slurring. I nod and he walks over to me before doubling over and vomiting on the floor.

"Rich!" I gasp out.

The rest of my night is filled with me taking care of him. I make him shower and whilst he's showers, I place his clothes into a trash bag for him to wash later on. They're covered in his vomit. He re-emerges from the bathroom in his pyjamas and he lies down in bed.  I tuck him in slightly and then go out into the hallway, cleaning up Richie's puddle of barf. He's fast asleep when I walk back in. I smile and close the door. Then, because I have no control of myself, I clean his dormitory for him. I get a glass of tap water once everything is clean and place it down on his bedside table beside his glasses. I place a bucket by his bed and then lie down beside him. I don't drift off to sleep for a while. I just stare at the ceiling, listening to Richie's sleeping breath. I sigh a little and face away from him, closing my eyes and willing sleep to wash over me. And it eventually does.