Lover| IT

Beep Beep, Richie

E.K

This day is shit and it's not even the afternoon. I left Myra asleep when I left. I had to rush breakfast. I accidentally started checking out the barista in the coffee shop and he definitely could tell I was doing that. I'm not attracted to men. I have a wife. It's just...sometimes I feel like I'm missing something...or someone. Like I had a deep connection with them a long time ago.

Now, I'm speeding around New York, trying to get to a meeting on time and my overbearing wife is ranting at me. It was raining this morning and she's worried about me crashing. But I'm not going to crash. She needs to relax. And she's making me panic. So I need to take my meds.

"Eddie! Eddie, I keep telling you, not to scare me like this-" I go into the glove compartment and grab my anxiety medication, flipping the cap off."- and you never listen to me!"

"Alright, Myra, please, not now!" I beg, shoving some medication into my mouth, willing it to calm me down. I throw the medication bottle onto the seat beside me and resume my death grip on the steering wheel.

"You shouldn't be out there! Eddie, it's not safe to drive when the roads are slick like this!"

"Sweetheart, it stopped raining like three hours ago, alright? Everything's going to be fine." I sigh and I hate calling her nicknames. I hate telling her I love her. It feels wrong. I'm almost hit by another driver, he honks his horn at me, and my road rage kicks in." HEY, DICKHEAD, FLOW OF TRAFFIC MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?!"

"What if you hydroplane?"

"I am not gonna hydroplane." I sigh. Please, Lord, give me strength. Please, Myra, shut the fuck up!" It is my job to assess risks, so please trust me when I tell you that statistically speaking I am much more likely to get into an accident because I am talking to you on the phone! Alright? I have to go. I will talk to you soon. Goodbye."

I push the end call button and sigh. Then, another call pops up and I go back to my professional state. I press answer and smile, trying to seem happy.

"Edward Kaspbrak speaking." I say.

"You didn't say 'okay bye, I love you' like you usually do!"

It's Myra and the smile wipes off my face instantly. This woman doesn't stop. She never gives me a break. I don't love her I just tell her that to keep her humble. I feel like I love someone else. Who? I don't know. But I probably knew them along time ago.

"Listen to me I can't! I'm gonna be late to this..." I begin and then another call comes in. From Derry. My grip on the steering wheel tightens just like my chest. My knuckles are white."...meeting!"

"Say 'I love you', Eddie!"

"Eddie bear, aren't you forgetting something?"

"You want one from me too, Mrs K?"

"Alright, come on. Come on. Come on. Sorry, Mommy."

"Okay, I love you, mommy." I mumble out without even realising it. I feel like that kid again. That small boy. That small fragile boy.

"What?"

"Myra!" I correct, feeling embarrassed. What the fuck is wrong with me?" Bye!"

I hang up on her and then hesitantly press pick up on the other call. I don't know what I'm expecting. All I know is that I'm scared.