The Love We Found

chapter 29

Axel's POV: 

I left Grant in the jeep and took off into the club. I ran by everyone who was waiting just inside the entrance and ran all the way to Grant's playroom. As soon as I got the door shut I collapsed sobbing into the floor. My knees were in my chest and my forehead touching the floor. My hands were pulling my hair and my arms were around my head.  I was sobbing so hard that I couldn't catch my breath and drool was pooling on the floor. The door opened and the footsteps stopped next to me. A hand started rubbing my back. 

"Shh, Shh, Calm down, you have to breathe, Axel." Jaxon tried to soothe. 

"N-no, G-grant needs som-someone." 

"Maddi is with him. Calm down, tell me what happened?" 

"I'm leaving... I'm not getting better, I'm getting worse. They want to commit me for help and I have no idea how long it's going to be. I told him I was letting him go. I just want tonight to remember everything. I want him to go to one of the ivy league schools he got into and to move on. I didn't.... I didn't think this would hurt so much." I sobbed. 

"It hurts because it's not what you want. You don't want him to move on or leave you behind. You want to be with him, you want to be his boyfriend, you want to marry him and eventually start a family. You don't want to be committed and be torn away from Grant. It hurts because you want to stay and fight. You want to get better and stay with all of us." 

"I want to get better and I don't know how. Every day I feel like I'm dying a little more, I feel like a weight is crushing my chest and I can't breathe. I don't want to drag anyone else down with me." 

"So let us drag you up." 

My bottom lip trembled. "What?" 

"You don't have to fight this alone. You can't fight this alone. I've experienced sub drop, so has Sophia. Jeremy and Master Kyle both have dealt with sub drop. Maddi is a new sub and doesn't have a Dom but she's willing to do whatever she can because you are like her little brother and she loves you. Grant is a new Dom and hasn't experienced helping someone out of sub drop but he loves you. He fucking loves you. And you love him. Let us help you get back up. That includes stopping with pushing everyone away and you have to fight. You can't just give up and go somewhere you know will not help with anything but getting you medicated. Which we all know may not even help. So what do you say?" 

"Okay." 

"Okay?" He looked closed to tears too. 

"Okay." I whispered. 

He pulled me into him and we hugged. I shook with the tremors that overtake my body when I cry. He helped me to my feet. "Let's go find out where Grant is, I think it's time for a sit down talk to clear up that you don't want to let him go." 

"He probably left. I told him he should take a break from me. He probably hates me now." 

"From what Maddi said he's not going anywhere. He could never hate you. Breathe. This right here is part of why you are struggling, you keep talking yourself into things being worse than they really are." 

"I know... I do that every day and I need to stop." 

Jaxon grabbed my hand. "Every day, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself 3 good things in your life. Start now. Tell me 3 good things in your life." 

"Grant, my friends and family, and football." 

"So today we focus on those good things, not the bad. Every day you focus on the three good things and that's it."