sunflower // sapnap

29

♛

i packed my bags in the back of my car and closed the trunk, i had to bite my tongue to hold back my tears as i walked to the driver seat of my car.

my goodbye with nick was horrible, and i couldn't stop reliving it the whole flight home.

i cried into his chest for what felt like hours, as he rubbed my back. when i finally pulled away to look at him, i saw that he was crying too. which made me feel even worse.

seeing him cry absolutely broke my heart, and all it did was make me cry more.

i held onto him until the very last second, and when i had to let go i couldn't even control my tears. but i had to calm down, otherwise everyone on the plane would think that i was hysterical. which honestly would be true.

i calmed myself down enough so that i was just
puffy eyed on the actual flight, i didn't realize how attached i had grown to nick until we had to separate.

i texted him when i landed so that he would know i was safe. but now as i sat in my car at the airport parking lot, i couldn't bring myself to text him back as he asked me if i wanted to call.

i felt like if i saw him again after just having to leave him, i would break down even more.

i turned my buzzing phone on silent, and went to go pick up the food that kayla asked me to bring.

i knew eating junk food with kayla and just telling her everything would make me feel so much better. i would at least be able to get out the emotions i had been holding in, in fear that i would only upset nick more if i voiced my actual concerns.

i was worried that anything i did would destroy what we had. and since i valued what have i don't want to mess it up. i just couldn't stop overthinking things.

i pulled up to my place with food in my hand, and the door swung open before i could even put my key in the lock. i took a step back at the sudden movement of the door and i'm sure my surprise showed on my face.

"oh sorry!" kayla said, wrapping her arms around me, ignoring the fact that my hands were completely full with the food and my bags.

"i was tracking your location, so i knew you were here"

i laughed a bit as she released me from her grip, holding her hand out to grab some of my stuff from me. we walked inside together.

"it's just been a rough day, you scared me with that is all" we put my stuff down on the floor of the living room and i carried our food into the kitchen so we could sit at the counter to eat.

i took out the styrofoam containers and placed them down, opening them to check who's was who's.

i always ordered beef and broccoli with chow mein, but kayla always got orange chicken with fried rice.

we ate in silence for a bit before kayla finally spoke up, she could sense my unease and i know she saw my puffy eyes when i got to our apartment.

"so what's wrong, and don't just say you miss him because i know there's more to it than that"

she asked me, i dropped my fork that i had been using to push around my food and sighed. leaning back in my chair and looking in her direction, "i just feel so off, it feels so wrong"

she looked confused after i said that, but in all honesty i was just as confused about my own feelings.

"what do you mean wrong?" she also dropped her fork, leaning her head against her hand on the counter.

"i guess i'm just scared" i paused, trying to think through my own emotions so i could make some kind of sense, "i'm so worried about what other people are going to think of us, practically our entire lives are online. it's only a matter of time until our relationship goes public"

i had always kept to myself out of fear of interacting with other creators, but also the fear of their fanbases. so many of them of known for being extremely loyal and i was worried they would pick me apart if i worked with their fave and they didn't like me.

"farah, they love you both. i mean half of them already think you're together anyway" she dropped her hand and placed in on my shoulder as she spoke, trying to comfort me.

"i know, but there's already been some hate and we haven't even announced it" i sighed and sinker further down into my chair, "i'm not used to this, i feel like i was so lucky to not have to deal with this and now i can see it coming"

kayla got up from her seat and grabbed me to follow her, she picked up my bags along the way and brought me back to my room. i didn't question it and just let her do her thing.

she put all my bags in my room and pointed to my bed, "sit down"

i followed her direction and watched as she unpacked my bags for me. holding stuff up and asking if it was dirty or clean. depending on my answer she either folded it and put it away or put it into my laundry basket. once she was done unpacking for me, she took the full basket and went to go start a load in the laundry room.

she came back a couple minutes later, sitting down beside me on my bed, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and leaning her head on mine.

"i'm here for you, always" she reassuringly told me. i smiled at her words.

"if anything happens, i'll be right there beside you to help you get through it, so don't hold yourself back because no matter what, you'll always have me"

in that moment i could not have been more grateful for her, she managed to say every single thing i needed to hear and she clearly meant all of it.

she put a movie on for us to watch and she told me that she would sleep in my bed with me tonight, to hopefully make me feel more comfortable with my own feelings.

as i laid there beside her, all i could think was how lucky i am to have a person like her as my best friend.

i knew that no matter what, i could handle whatever gets thrown at me.

-

hey!! i said i would update again today and even tho it's 11 pm, it's still today!!

going to try and get back to daily updates, wish me luck!

if you're enjoying please leave a vote or comment! and consider following me as i will be writing more stories after this one is completed :)