sunflower // sapnap

33

♛

"i can't believe you just did that!"

i yelled over the discord call, nick was streaming but had forced me to talk to him while he did.

he was making me play minecraft with him, but hardcore mode for some reason. i honestly didn't understand since both of us constantly died while trying to play regular minecraft.

he had killed me now 3 times, but this last one made me mad since we had been playing for almost 2 hours and were finally getting somewhere in the game.

i listened to him laugh at my outrage, and i quickly left the call. switching over to pull up his stream so i could watch his reaction.

"no wait farah" he called out when he realized, he sighed and he clicked around on his computer. i got an incoming call from him, which i ignored so that i could watch this play out.

"well looks like farah's mad at me now" he told his chat, his eyes shifting so you could see that he was reading, "i blame you guys for encouraging me to kill her"

i laughed, of course it had been his chat. i looked at all the comments rolling in. mostly just people laughing at my sudden departure, but a few caught my eye.

"finally she's gone"
"now i can watch the stream without hearing her annoying voice"
"i can't believe he puts up with her, she's so irritating"
"she ruins every stream shes in"

i felt my stomach drop as more and more comments like that kept rolling across the stream. i had no idea the hatred for me in the community was that bad.

i tried to look away but i couldn't, instead seeing more and more hateful things pop up.

"she's ugly AND annoying, i almost feel bad for her"
"idk why she thinks nick liked her anyway"
"how could someone be that dumb LMAO"

i clicked off the stream, closing it out and moving away from my desk.

i had just gotten comfortable in my own community now that i had merged with one of the biggest streaming communities.

i hadn't regretted that until now, i never got hate until i got involved with dream, george, and nick.

they had to be right then, i didn't annoy anyone until i actually opened myself up. maybe i was just as annoying as they said.

i crawled into my bed, my arms reaching out to grab the closet stuffed animal. i felt deflated and just wanted to cry.

i wanted nothing more than to be able to ignore the things they were saying, but i just felt so invalidated.

if practically his whole chat felt that way, who's to say he also didn't feel that way? i'm not sure if i'd be able to bare it if nick felt like i was annoying.

i didn't even realize i was crying until i felt that a small puddle had formed on the plush frog i was clutching.

i instinctively wiped away my tears, and rolled over so i was laying on my back and staring up at the ceiling.

why was i being such a little baby over this? nick wasn't the one who said it to me.

i choked my tears back and sat up, returning to my desk so i could call nick back.

i sat down and just talked to myself, trying to get the cry out of my voice before he heard me so he wouldn't know that there was anything wrong with me.

i really didn't want to start any drama in his community so i would keep this to myself for now.

once i felt like i was ready, i started calling him through discord.

it was then that i picked up my phone and saw all of the texts that he had sent me, all worried about me and trying to see if i was okay. most of them also contained him profusely apologizing if he had upset me.

i shook my head, i really shouldn't be pushing this boy away when he obviously cares so much about me. i texted him back and asked if he was still streaming, to which he responded that he was ending.

i ended my outgoing call and decided to wait for him to finish. i wanted to talk to him but not on stream, i was still upset and didnt want it to just get worse.

i told him to facetime me when he was done and i got up to go wash my face.

as i walked into the bathroom i laughed at my appearance in the mirror, my eyes had quickly gotten puffy and my face was red.

i scrubbed at my face a little too harshly, so i could at least blame the redness on that.

when i was satisfied that i didn't look like i had been crying, i walked back to my desk just in time, as a call was ringing through.

i clicked accept and was welcomed with a smiling boy.

i smiled right back at him, "hi baby" he said to me. his sweet words only caused me to smile harder.

"hey bub"

he started telling me about what he did after i left, and about the random dono's he got.

i just listened to him talk and felt any of my concerns quickly disappear, i was just in awe of this moment with him.

the only thing that could've made it better was if he was here with me, holding me in his arms as he told me everything.

i knew in that moment that i needed to see him again, but for longer this time.

-

hey hey friends!! thank you all so much for over 50k reads !! that number is insane and i didn't expect that at all when i started writing this.

i hope you're all doing amazing and staying hydrated :)