Definition Of tmi

i dont like it here..

Okay so whenever I'm at my moms house I always ask myself why I don't like dads house so much.

  I mean I have my room decorated, my dad makes nice dinners and sweets, and we've got lots of pets there.

  But its times like this that I remember why. My bird died yesterday and he called me to tell me about it.

  At first it didn't seem that bad. Like I thought it wasn't a big deal because I didn't register it all the way.

  But he saved the body so I could say goodbye and when I saw it I just started crying. I didn't think I would cry this much.

  But I've had him since I was seven years old and I'm currently fifteen. And its not like I was at my dads house for more than two nights a week at the most so I never saw him much.

  But I guess I'll miss him more than I thought I would.

  Of course my bird dying is sad, and I know my dad and stepmom feel sad about it too but it just reminds me how out of place I feel here.

  I sat there in front of my birds body and I was just crying and all my dad kept repeating was just sorry and he was crying too but that was all.

  He didn't 9ffer me any comfort. He didn't kiss my forehead, or even hug me. Not even a pat on the shoulder.

  and I've cried in front of them before and they express their sadness and just walk away like nothing happened.

  My dad has vever been affectionate for me like that though. I got a hug ever week or so but he never kissed my forehead or anything like ever, and if he does its rare.

  I remember on one of my birthdays when I was young he kissed my forehead and I got so happy because that was one of the first times.

  I rushed to my mom and kept squealing because my dad finally showed my physical affection.

  And its just the small things I notice that make me uncomfortable. Every time I make a joke him and my stepmom just ignore it.

  I mean not all of my jokes, but sometimes. And it makes me feel like they don't enjoy when I show my real self.

  And there's also the fact that we disagree on many morals. He's a trump supporter even after everything that's happened as of January 8 2021

  So he decided that being a white supremacist and racist and homophobe wasn't that big a deal and it's something I'm pretty passionate about.

  I'm also not out to them as pansexual yet. If makes me feel even further that I can't be myself around him.

  I don't think he would mind but it's not like he would support me.

Anyways just wanted to get this out real quick. I've got pizza now. Bye bye.