Definition Of tmi

i feel really lonely :')

So I'm not sure exactly whats going on but I've just been feeling so lonely. And yeah I complain about it jokingly like a lot but im not lying. 

I think it may just be a mix of stress from school and loneliness.

  First of all my mom possibly got covid and maybe gave it to me. She was really sick for like two whole weeks but she got two covid tests and they both came back negative.

  She had lots of trouble breathing a couple days ago so she went to the er with her gf.

  They did a CAT scan and she has white dots on her lungs resembling what a covid patients would look like.

  I was out of the house most the time so I thought I was safe but I can't smell anything. I have barely any other symptoms but that. I mean I was like really really tired for a couple days so that might be something.

  But until I get a covid test I can't see anyone which really really sucks. I haven't seen any of my friends in like two whole weeks and I was really looking forward to but I've had to cancel plans with two different friends because I don't wanna spread it.

  But im feeling really touch starved recently and so lonely. Like badly.

  One of my teachers had us do a meditation thing and it asked us to think of something to look forward to and I thought of having a nice long hug with my mom.

  I was at my dads house then so I got home and I was waiting for my mom to get back but she ended up staying over at her gf house again.

  She always asks me if its okay and I don't wanna be annoying or anything and say no.

  I know she said to tell her if im not ok with it but I know she would feel dissapointed even if she said she's not because her gf makes her really happy and they haven't been able to see eachother when she was sick.

  Her gf came over last night for dinner and we had pizza. They asked me if I could sit on the couch instead of the table so I didn't infect her gf in case I had it.

  Yeah, I understand that and I don't wanna get her sick but I felt so left out. Nobody tried to include me in conversation and my mom and her gf were too busy cuddling so I couldn't get a hug so I ended up going to my room and just distracting myself telling myself that I could get a hug after she left but she stayed over yet again.

  I've just been feeling really sensitive and I keep just crying for no reason. In roleplays I can't handle things being rough at the moment because I just end up crying again.

  I was crying a little bit last night because I just wanted any type of human interaction when my friend called me (I know you're probably reading this, so thank you hubby I appreciate you ❤)

  I felt a bit better for a while after that but then I felt lonely again.

  So I was role-playing and I started crying again. When I say crying I just mean like a few tears, I don't mean full on sobbing or anything.

  So what I did was take all of the blankets and soft things in my room and curling up in my chair while watching Netflix. It brought me a bit of comfort but.. idk.

  I fell asleep there at like somewhere around 4 am. Its 4 pm and I'm still just sitting here. I really need to get up and brush my teeth because I didn't last night or get food or something but idk.

  And to add onto that I have so many missing assignments that are making me stressed and it feels like a lot.

  Its probably not a big deal. Hopefully I'll feel better once I can hug my mom. I honstly hope that once I hug her that I don't start crying because then she'll feel bad about not giving me attention and tell me that I can't blame others because didn't get my school work done.

  And I'm not at all blaming others I wouldn't know who to even blame but I know I dug myself into this hole and thats what makes me frustrated.

  I just don't have much motivation to do it and I just sleep all day cuz I'm sick so by the time I get motivation its like 11 pm and I tell myself I need to sleep or I'll be tired by morning

  But then I stay up till 3 doing roleplays. But I dont just do rp for fun at this point its a comfort thing for me. Boyf reinds is a comfort ship for me and when I rp it it makes me feel happy.

  When I rp smut its not cuz I'm horny or anything I just like the idea of being so close and vulnerable like that and it helps me feel better. Its like indirectly having physical touch? Idek

  I'm just lonely but I can't meet a s/o cuz my state might be going into full lock down again.

  So anyways thats where im at