Definition Of tmi

rejection (4)

  I think my biggest fear is rejection.

  I'm scared that when I offer someone something that they'll say no.

  And I always fear that when I want something and finally get the courage to ask, then they'll only turn me down.

  And I know where all of this is coming from.

  I know it's because of my dad. It's because he caused me to have the worst day if my life.

  So it was Christmas time. My mom promised me we would try to make it as normal as possible.

  She said both her and dad would be there Christmas morning and we would spend the day together.

  But it was a week away from Christmas and absolutely nothing felt normal.

  My dad was away every night at his girlfriend's house and left us all alone.

  When he got home he was very stressed.

  It made me feel like I made him stressed. That having me added to his worries.

If I wasn't there he could go be with his girlfriend all the time.

  So a week away from Christmas and he was gone. The tree wasn't at all decorated, nothing felt normal. My mom was in a different house which she shared with an unstable mental person.

  I had a breakdown one night at my mom's house because of that.

  She yelled at my dad and told him to be home the next night so we could make it feel like Christmas.

  So we did just that. We decorated the tree and watched Christmas movies.

  Though it still wasn't the same because it was forced. He smiled but I knew he just wanted to be with his girlfriend.

  So after that I was anxious to finally have a Christmas.

  A week went by and it was Christmas eve morning.

  I woke up earlier than usual and went out to greet my dad.

  He was dressed up. I figured he was just going to a morning church service with his girlfriend and then we would be back.

  I had a small conversation with him and wished him a happy Christmas eve.

  I was so tired so I went back to my room. He left.

  My mom texted me she would be over later in the day for dinner.

  I told her that dad was gone.

  I waited around for him. But he didn't come back.

  The feeling of abandonment flooded me. I curled up and cried. When I was done I watched some greys anatomy, but it just kept coming back.

  I just cried and cried and cried.

  It must have been five times over again.

  Because I thought

  "He doesn't want to be with you"

  "Your his second priority"

  "Without you he would be happy"

  "You're his burdon"
 
  "He doesn't love you as much as his girlfriend"

I sobbed and the pressure in my eyes just wouldn't go away.

  I admit that I got very angr6and sad at one point and sent this.