Definition Of tmi

okay *cracks knuckles* (1)

Hi so I guess I'm going to write this down. I'll probably like split this between many chapters cuz it's a very long story. But this is the story of the absolute fucking worst year of my life. And I dont curse but it was just so shitty.

I'm writing this just for me I think. I've never actually talked through all of this in my mind.

I dont revisit it in detail very often if at all. I tried to explain just the smallest portion of it to my boyfriend which ended up with me crying at school so that was great.

So where to begin.

I grew up always believing my family was going to stay together and happy forever. I saw that my freinds parents were all split and I never in my life would have thought that would happen to me.

Until one day I did an oopsie.

So my mom has always worked at churches. One day she picked up a phone call from this one guy who we'll call paul.

So paul called the church many times for prayer requests so my mom offered to meet with him and talk one day to pray.

Paul has been blind since his early teens and has an unbelievable high amount of anxiety.

His parents were never there for him so he by no means had the slightest bit of support or any way to deal with his anxiety.

So let's just say he was very very bad at making decisions and got himself kicked out of two houses by constantly calling the police. And then he went litterally broke. Not to mention he was an impulsive spender.

My mom was the only person he had so she felt responsible to help him. So when he got kicked out she offered for him to stay at our house for about a month.

It was not a month. It was four. And it was terrible.

I understand that he couldnt help it, but it just got annoying really fast because he would constantly just be there.

When I wanted to have freinds over he was there sitting at the table or on the couch.

It was honestly creepy to have an almost complete stranger living in your house and taking up all the attention.

So anyways, as we all know I have a really really bad habit of staying up late. (Btw I forgot to mention this was twelve years old almost thirteen.)

One morning it was 6 am in the summer so I had no reason to sleep. Both my parents are pretty early risers. I heard the talking in the office, which I shared a wall with it if I went into my closet.

So I heard my mom and dad talking in the office and I apparently thought it was a absolutely fabulous idea to eavesdrop.

So i dont remember what it started out with but eventually my mom was sobbing and explaining why she was so frustrated with their marriage.

I heard things that I never thought I would hear come from her mouth.

She talked about how in all of their fifteen years of marriage that my dad never did anything.

My mom married him because he promised to grow with her in their Christian faith together.

My dad gave up on that not even months into marriage. He just stopped trying to connect on a deeper level with god as much as my mom did.

He also never did the laundry, or dishes, shopping, or anything at all around the house.

Then my mom talked about how it got so bad that she was considering suicide at one point.

That terrified me and it still does. I love my mom so much that it breaks my heart she ever felt like that.

Of course I was an absolute idiot and kept listening. Not much else important was said, just a lot of muffled sobbing.

So I thought that maybe if I was a better child it would help them. So I got out of my room and greeted Paul at our table. I made him coffee and toast just like he asked.

My parents came out with red puffy faces and were suprised that I was up already.

I was extra nice to them. I gave them both hugs and told them I loved them.

When I gave my dad his hug he just broke down. I'm very weak but he just put like half of him body weight onto me and sobbed.

I acted like I had no idea why they were sad but I didnt even question it.

I actually remember looking up "how to stop my parents from divorcing"

Eventually as a week or two passed I forced myself to push it to the back of my mind.

In my world it had just passed and everything was fine. But it obviously wasnt I just wanted it to be.