Definition Of tmi

empty promises (3)

So usually I go into detail, but today I don't want to.

So, last we left off, which was a while ago, I was just finding out about my parent's divorce

So long story short, my mom has always been caring and religious.

So she saw this as an opportunity to help someone else.

So when we moved into our new house, she wanted to host someone who needed love and healing.

Though its illegal, her best friend is a therapist.

She recommended one of her clients to reach out to my mom.

They instantly clicked. She moved in as soon as possible.

Let's name her Casey.

So Casey moved in quickly. The first time I ever visited the new house she was already there.

She was lively. Very much like me.

She was girly, vibrant, and energetic at first glance.

Very defined facial features. Short blonde hair, slim body. Very beautiful.

So when I got settled in, she made her room in the basement of our house. She had a lot of stuff so it was constantly cluttered.

She was a physical therapist so she had her therapy chair in the middle of the room. It took up about half of the small basement.

So I'm a very clean freak. I offered to help her clean, which was a big task.

I stayed up late with her even on school nights, and we got really close.

I'm the sort of person who trusts too easily. I always see the beat in people.

So, when we found out something was mentally wrong with her it hurt.

I know she couldn't control it but it hurt.

I don't want to go into details because reliving those moments just make me scared.

So it turns out that she had Dissociative Identity Disorder. (Or DID)

I was never told the specifics of her alters, but they were all pretty mean.

And yes, they formed as defence mechanisms from major physical abuse as a child.

So they were ruthless. They knew how to hurt with words.

On multiple occasions something would trigger her and she would lash out.

Also, my mom prayed a lot with her and I remember one night she asked to stay with us at my dad's house on the couch because she was scared of her.

She said that it felt like she had been possessed by some sort of demon.

I never asked for specifics because I just would have rather had ignorance over it.

So she had run ins with police often and attempted at suicide multiple times while I had known her.

One night specifically, I think it was the first or second attempt, I'm not sure. Everything is kind of blurry exept some vivid moments.

I had gone to sleep earlier than usual but was woken up by my mom at one am.

She told me that the police were here and I needed to get out of the house immediately. But she was calm.

I got out of bed in my pajamas and I remember smelling something gasoline like.

The way the house was set up, my room didn't have a wall at all. It was like a half wall on the second floor that looks down to the living room and a giant window next to the half wall (that was fucking terrible btw)

So I grabbed my phone and went downstairs. I grabbed my coat and shoved my shoes on.

There were police cars outside with officers everywhere.

I remember this part so vividly.

It was a townhouse so we were connected to other houses. There was a pathway between ours and an old lady next door.

I remember that there was this concrete cat statue. And multiple others like that. They were all covered in cold snow.

I looked down at the pavement and gripped my jacket over myself. I looked at the bricks on the small path.

My mom said that she was woken up to police officers pounding harshly in the door.

He said that he got a call from Casey's recently ex boyfriend of three years that she called him, about to commit suicide.

So when they pulled up she was in the garage. She tried pumping the exhaust from her car into it to suffocate herself.

When she heard the sirens she went back in and bolted out the back door.

We lived right next to a big walking trail with a pond and lots of Trees.

She ran there and hid.

The police told us they were looking for her. So they questioned my mom and we went into the car. We waited for a bit until they gave us the go ahead to leave.

I started crying. My mom coaxed me through it.

Thank got for my mom. She is my angel. I love her so much

We got back to my dads house and she held me on the couch as I rambled and sobbed.

I just kept thinking "why would she do that"

"How could she do that while I was just upstairs"

"What if I had just woken up the next morning and she was sitting lifeless in her car and smoke came leaking through the cracks of the door and killed me too."

The thought that she could have just died. Right there.

I calmed down and went back to my room. I let my mom sleep with me because one) I didn't want to be alone and two) I wasn't going to let her sleep on the couch.

But I remember how trapped I felt in my room.

I remember the feeling of the walls almost caving in and every peice of junk that I owned made me want to scream.

So that was the end of that night.

They found her and brought her into jail.

After that I stopped trusting her. But I wanted to. I wanted to so badly.

She was hurting and i wanted to help. I wondered if i just made her laugh more and gave her someone that she could trust then eventually with time she would just heal.

But i know she didn't want to heal.

She never put in the time. She said she did and i could see in her eyes, but in her heart she just made empty promises.

She apologized to us. I accepted it in a heartbeat. I desperately wanted to hig her tight.

Then we acted like it was fine.

But I feared her. I was scared.

Bad memories can't be fixed with an apology. Especially not one so empty.

I had late nights with her again, but was always scared.