A very private diary made available to the public
this is pretty old, you'll get bored with all the drama. You can just skip around if you so wish to read. Just my trauma dumping in like the first 3/4 👉👉
So my mom got a girlfriend a while ago and she's really nice. I like her.
But I've realized that I'm starting to feel a but more... depressed?
I know it's not full on depressed but I see all these posts on Instagram and I think maybe I'm starting to feel that way?
Because I used to be so full of energ6but now I just cant get out of bed. I stopped feeling hungry so I always forget to eat. I still get food every day but it's not like it feels like a priority anymore.
I know that it must definitely is, I just dont have much of an appetite anymore.
I dont really have much energy. It's like even texting a freind takes more energy than it should.
I just feel lonely right now. My mom is doing the same as my dad did and I think I'm starting to bring back feelings of abandonment?
Shes just never here anymore. For a while I really truly thought I was okay with it. She would ask me if it was okay if she went over there and I would always say yeah.
But I was doing an rp last night and they were getting really cuddly. (Lol if you read this book person I was doing the rp with now you know why lol)
I was doing Michael and he was a dom and I guess I kinda felt extra lonely?
Like I was playing a dom who just carries everything and when he had finally gotten attention I just started to tear up a bit, no naturally I made Michael do the same.
I just feel so alone... I know my mom has me as a priority and she loves me more than her girlfriend but idk...
I thought that it was okay for her to be over at her girlfriend's house all the time but last night I just needed her there.
I got a message from a random guy asking for nudes and it just made me feel terrible about myself.
I wished I could just walk out into the livingroom and hug my mom and tell her what happened but she wasnt there.
I haven't seen her as much as I used too and it's starting to hurt.
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M
y mom has always told me that I can tell her anything but I cant tell her if she's not there.
Anyway I guess I'm crying now so that's fun.
I just feel sad. I know she's trying her best and dont get me wrong, shes a really great mom.
She always checks in with me to make sure I'm okay and she gives me love when she's here but I just think its bringing up the feeling of being left alone from my dad.
Also school is starting up tommorow which is bound to mean loads of stress. I hope she's here during the school year because if not I'm gonna cry a lot.
She asked if she could go tonight and I said that i wanted to have a family dinner before school so we'll see how this goes.
I'm gonna go cuddle my cat and watch disney movies while it's still sad boi hours.
