Definition Of tmi

he cries?? (2)

Great- here we go!

So, one day it was summer and Paul had left to stay in a homeless shelter about a week before.

My mom came into my room and told me we were going to have a "family meeting" and it scared me.

I knew it was coming. I mean I pretended I didnt and asked if someone died or if everyone's health was ok. But I knew it.

My dad had been sad the past week and what made it worse

He was trying so hard. After I eavesdropped my mom never even lifted a finger to the household chores.

My dad did everything. He cooked, cleaned, made lunches, picked us up from school, everything.

I know what he was trying to do. He did everything to make up for the 15 years he did nothing. But you cant just undo all of that pain in a week. You cant reverse it. It's all done and theres nothing you can do to make mom love you again.

So I was prepared. I mean not really- I could never have been prepared.

The thing is my school shut down because they ran out of money, so I decided to try online school.

It was the worst. I was under so much stress because I'm a natural procrastinator.

Plus I did all of my schoolwork in my room and that was a terrible idea.

A room is a place where you go to get away from everything so bringing stressful work into my safe space really messed me up.

So much so that I was a while two weeks behind in all of my classes.

I had Fs in litterally all of them. It was a nightmare. So we started looking for schools. We toured one school and it did not look very inviting at all.

So recently at that time my mom's best friend's mom died. She lived in a diffrent city than us at the time.

So my parents sat me and my brother down in the living room.

I'll never forget my dad. He had this just miserable face, I knew he had been crying. My mom acted strong and civil.

As soon as she said the words "your dad and i have been having some problems," i just started bawling.

I knew it was coming. It scared me so bad because i never wanted anything to ever change.

When she said the word divorce I almost couldnt take it. I've never hugged my brother sincerely before because he doesnt like hugs but I was just clinging to him because he felt like the only one who understood.

My mom explained that we would be living in her friend's moms house who had recently passed. She said we could look at the school in that town because they are like way better.

We fell into a silence and I finally just couldnt bear it any longer. I rushed to my room and locked the door.

I immediately called my best freind at the time crying my eyes out.

I actually talked to her about my parents divorce recently within the last two months.

She said I was gasping for air so much she couldnt tell if I was laughing or crying.

I feel kinda bad for putting g her in that position because she didnt know what the heck to do but the problem is neither did I.

Eventually my mom knocked on my door and i had to let her in. She soothed me a little but not much.

She said that she was going to talk with the freinds mom who i had just called to see if i could spend the night.

I just had to get out of that house. Most the time after that it always felt like the walls were caving in and it felt like home but i never wanted to be home. I never wanted to be there because so much had happened in that house that whenever i saw certain objects i would just get reminded and feel sad.

And i had the best luck because guess what decided to show up earlier that day? My period.

So i was emotionally unstable, really mad, and on my period. So things were just going great.

I had run out of period supplies so when i was about to leave for my freinds house i had to ask my mom if we could go get pads.

There was a CVS like a block away so we just walked. She tried talking to me but i was just in shock and i couldn't say anything without breaking apart on the freaking sidewalk.

Anyways, we got to my friend's house and by then i was already joking about it.

Dont get me wrong I was litterally broken on the inside. I couldnt think straight.

As you know I'm a very positive person and my way of dealing with pain is humor. I was cracking divorce jokes left and right.

Also side note, my cat ran away like a couple weeks after.

So I slept over at my friend's house and then it was time to go back.

Right away when I walked in everything was clean because of my dad and it was a sunny day but it felt like everything around me was just shit.

I walked to my room and I saw there was now a bed in the office space next to mine where my dad was.

That day i dont even know what i did with myself. I probably just sat on my phone.

Then night came around and I could hear my dad sobbing in the office which was now his room.

That just fucking broke me. It hit me so hard because do you know what it's like to hear that? To hear your parent in so much pain that they're just howling with agony and theres litterally nothing you can do to fix it or even help?

Maybe you do, and if so I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so sorry you ever had to hear that and go through those emotions whether you have ways of coping or not.

And if you have not I pray you never do.

But I wish I could say that's the peak of all this but it's not.

So he cried every night and so would I. Dinners werent the same. Nobody would talk and for two nights in a row I just couldnt deal with it all so I left the table.

Then it came time for my mom to move out. It hurt so bad because I was trapped with my dad.

Like I said in chapter before I have never connected with my dad. He never checked I. With me because he was too busy sulking in his own sadness.

And I cant blame him for that. We all didnt k ow what we were doing. I cant say he didnt try hard enough at that specific moment because he was.

But like I said, some thing you just cont reverse no matter how hard you try.

One day when things had calmed down I remember standing at the sink and helping with dinner.

We were talking about our trampoline in the backyard. I don't remember specifically what we were saying but I said "yeah, I'll be fourth and with children and still going to dads house to jump on the trampoline."

I dont know why I said it like that, but i immediately regretted it.

"You know I'm not giving up right? I'm still going to fight to keep us together."

It broke me even further when he said that because I knew he couldn't.

I knew he was trying to win a battle he had already lost. He didnt just loose the battle, he surrendered then changed his mind last minute.

So yeah. Next were getting into a whole entire different thing that gets 100% worse.

Sorry if I spell lots of things wrong in this. I'm not going to go back and edit it.