Yours truly ; Charlie Weasley

Seventeen

Charlie backed up towards the kitchen counter, his face shocked as his eyes were glued to my stomach.

The whole point, Charlie, is that there isn't a baby in my stomach anymore so stop looking at it you git.

He grabbed the edges of the kitchen counter and when I noticed his stomach muscles clench, I looked away.

It killed me that he had to be so attractive. It was bad enough having to look at his face, but him being shirtless — I can't sit here with a mouth that's watering when I'm supposed to be angry with him.

"I uh— shit. Ember, what— what happened?"

"Are you asking if I lost the baby?" I asked and looked at him, our eyes locking. "Because I didn't. I had an abortion. It was voluntarily."

I turned my attention back to my paperwork and continued signing each page while Charlie stood there, trying to process the bomb I just dropped on him.

"Not that I wanted to though." I sighed, refusing to look at him again, but I could feel his eyes burning into me. "But you left me and I didn't want to have this baby on my own, so I went to this like— this Muggle clinic and while I lied there on that bed, I was crying to the point where it must've looked like someone were forcing me to get rid of it. She used this thing that she explained was like a small vacuum and she vacuumed out what was supposed to be our daughter. All while I was crying like the mess that I am, because I had been so excited to start a family with you."

Charlie pushed himself away from the counter and slowly approached me where I sat. Though I didn't look at him and simply kept signing the papers. It was the contract to take on the Quibbler in my publishing company.

"I'm so sorry, love." Charlie said in a whisper when he was leaning his hands on the table, his face too close to me for my liking. "I'm sorry you went through that because of me. If I had known you were pregnant, I would've stayed."

My head immediately snapped up so I could look at him, while I scoffed at his comment.

"Funny how a pregnancy would be what it would take to make you stay."

He sighed as he ran his finger through my hair in a calming motion that I had always loved, especially in the morning when we were cuddled up in bed.

"Plus, if it hasn't been for Bill, you wouldn't be here right now." I said. "You're only back because he told you to."

"No." Charlie shook his head. "I'm back because I had no idea that you were suffering. I—"

"Oh that's bullshit!" I told him. "How do you think I would've been doing when my boyfriend through seven and a half years decided to leave me because he needed to get away from me."

"I didn't know it was that bad." He continued. "I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought you deserved someone better in your life. I didn't know that you would still be hurting after five months."

"You saw me two weeks ago when you were here!" I raised my voice at him, and he let his fingers leave my hair, but he was still leaned forward and his face was still close to mine. "I was literally begging you to stay. I was a pathetic mess over you because I was so desperate for you to not leave me like that again!"

He didn't respond.

"You just don't get it, do you?" I asked, his eyes finding mine again. "I didn't want anyone else, Charlie. I've never wanted to be with anyone but you. It was always you and you need to get that through that thick scull of yours, because you've been back here for not even twenty-four hours and I am already tired of hearing you say I deserve better."

I put down my quill and stood up abruptly, causing him to straighten up too.

"This is so fucking stupid! I even went on to believe at one point that you hated me because you were blaming me for Fred's death." I told him as I grabbed the pile of now signed papers, moving them to the side table next to the door.

"What?" Charlie asked. "Why did you think that? Why would I blame you?"

"Because I do." I said simply and packed away my quill. "I blame me."

Charlie went silent and when I turned towards him again, he was watching me carefully with a look of confusion on his face.

"Because I was there when the explosion happened, okay? I saw Rockwood seconds before he caused that explosion b-but my brain was working too slow to react even though I knew what was about to happen, and then it just happened. That's the last thing I remember before waking up and seeing Fred on the ground with Percy chasing after Rockwood." I explained, feeling myself tear up at the memory. "And if my brain had worked a little faster, I could've done something in those seconds. I could've killed Rockwood before he got to kill your brother."

I walked into my bedroom to make the bed before going down to the shop, but Charlie followed me, and when I looked at him, he was blocking the doorway, resting his arms above his head and against each side of the frame.

"Don't you dare blame yourself for that. I certainly don't because there is no reason to. What happened wasn't your fault."

I found my wand and simply flicked it at the bed so I didn't have to make it.

"You almost died too due to injuries from that explosion." Charlie continued. "Are you blaming yourself for that too?"

I looked at him with a sigh, and he nodded at me. "Exactly my point. You don't blame yourself for what happened to you so why blame yourself for Fred? I know you've got a big heart but you need to be realistic about it, Ember. It was war, everything was happening so fast and who knows— maybe if you had managed to save him there, something else could've happened later. We never know these things, the only one who's to blame is Augustus Rockwood, do you hear me? Rockwood and no one else."

"I could say the same thing to you." I scoffed. "Don't come here and give me a lecture when you just told me you're blaming yourself for what happened to me."

"Because I told you to stay there!" He raised his voice slightly. "I told you to not move, that you'd be safe up there and when I got back, you were bleeding and then at St. Mungos, you had a seizure and nearly died. I have a reason to feel guilty, and I have loads of stuff I do feel guilty about but Ember, the reason you're feeling guilty is because during the war, you had this mindset that you were able to save everyone, but that isn't how the world works. You can't save everyone."

I sat down on the bed and ran a hand over my face with a small sigh.

"Fred died." Charlie stated. "And I— I think I somehow needed those five months to myself. I regret doing it the way I did it. I should've talked to you and I shouldn't have broken up with you. I should've told you I needed some time to grieve alone."

But I needed to grieve with you.

"I'm sorry, angel." He said. "I know you miss him too. I know you saw him like a younger brother and I know he's always looked up to you just like George and Ginny does. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you were for me. I don't know how I'll make it up to you but I promise I will. I'll make you trust me again."