Book #2

i'm sorry for your loss

it started - as far as i can remember - with the bouquet.
eucalyptus - the on and off springing, here for a season, then there for three, then back,
and forget-me-nots - the constant thoughts, and all the letters never sent,
queen anne's lace - delicate little bursts of some fantasy i wished i could have,
and orange rose -
that one was you.
it took that whole while for me to muster up the courage.
and after all those years, i finally told you how i felt.
and you said,

nothing.

nothing out loud.
that *bang* rung out so loud in your head that you never heard me.
and innocence spilt from my eyes
as it spilled from you,
all of you,
- and i promised my dad that i'd never describe how someone dies,
but he's gone now
and so are you.
when they brought you in, you were asleep
and you never woke up
but something else did.
some creature
that screamed when the morning came
and froze when the wind slammed the door
and cried when it realized what it had done.
that creature isn't you.
not the you i knew.
but i convinced myself
that i could love it into being you,
through restless nights
and cold days
and even the bangs when they came,
and they would come.
and you would hurt,
because that's what the creature knew.
but you would be okay.
i hoped
that you would be okay.

//

part 1

some parts are about, like, ptsd or something
kinda vague
could be abt military ptsd
could be abt domestic
could be abt near-death experience
might even be abt suicide
but mostly about love
bc trauma changes ppl
and they're never truly going to be the same
but they're still ppl
and they're still worthy of love

uhh didn't mean to make this a/n into it's own poem but uhhhhhhh whatever that's ojay 👍

love y'all
follow me on insta if you haven't already (luminesce.et.effloresce)
bye <3