shh // s word

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i should probably go to sleep.

it wanes.

i wake up.
all it takes is being conscious.

it's fine
it's fine
it's fine
it's fine
it's fine
it's fine
i'm fine
it's fine

it waxes.

it hurts and
it's so hard and
i don't know what to do and
who do i tell and
i should probably go to sleep.

it's all i can do.

but then time flies
and all my tasks are incomplete
and i've forgotten everything
and tomorrow seems so far away
and what is there to live for
when all the things i love
hinge on me doing the things i haven't done
because this feeling won't go away and
i swear it's not my fault but
do i blame it on the circumstance?
that i was kept
distracted by these events
that it disrupted my routine
and ability to do things?

what's left to turn to
that won't make me feel like shit

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