Book #2

rising water

relevant song:
   I Just Wanna Shine - Fitz and the Tantrums

//

it's like a flood. the rain doesn't stop. it's slow, but ever-present.

i've found myself on a hill. i can stay above it all, if only i keep climbing up.

walking up a hill endlessly is exhausting.

i'm so fvcking tired. but if i stop, the water will nip at my feet. i have to stay above it.

i have to keep going. keep doing something.

i only imagine the hill has a top. but will the water ever stop? if i reach the peak and it doesn't stop raining, have i reached the end?

i pray that i can get some help before it ever gets to that point. a raft of sorts to keep me above, or maybe someone with a boat to get to safety.

but so often i find myself at the water's edge. i watch as the lapping waves stir silt around my feet, then step back and watch the foam settle as it leaves.

between the entrancement and the exhausting, i can't find the effort to look for help.

i've convinced myself that it isn't that bad, and that i can keep it up until the water lets up.

i'm a strong swimmer, i justify. i know how to stay safe in the water.

and even if, i tell myself, i somehow go under,

i've always had a fantasy for drowning.

but there's so many good things in the world. and there's so much that i still want to see.

i want to keep going.

i just don't know how long i can keep doing this.

i can't fight the lapping waves.

and it only keeps raining.

//

ʰᵉʸ ˢᵒ ᶦᵗ'ˢ ᵃ ᵐᵉᵗᵃᵖʰᵒʳ ᶠᵒʳ ˢᵘᶦᶜᶦᵈᵃˡᶦˢᵐ· ✌️