torment

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i think far too much nowaday about my relationships to other people. it is far easier in the moment to focus on an actual action and emotion, to be present, but as soon as i am alone with my thoughts, i can't restrain the scratching at what is there and crying at what is not and agonizing over what is unclear. i wish it could all unfold naturally. i know i'm not that kind of person, but i wonder how differently i would feel if i were. i can only imagine.

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