unwinding
every year
it's a slow process
in the the dark of the year
unwinding
thread
a dark ball of thread
tangled mess
the hastily wound ball of last year
every year i wind and untangle
it starts
in the summer i am anguished
i miss the routine and the sociality and the business
i curl myself into a ball
and throw the ball and the yarn all comes loose and tangles
and i wind it together
praying it will stay
hoping to last the year
some times i stop winding
i wonder if it is worth it
and then the cold sets in
i think to knit a sweater
or a scarf
i pick up the yarn
and i think,
oh, this isn't right,
well let me fix this
one tangle
just this knot
and then i can begin
but the truth is
i never stop untangling
there are ever more knots
i would need a space
to fully unravel the ball
lay it all out
inspect it all
and roll it up perfectly
a whole human being
i would not even be myself
who am i if not the things that have defined so much of my life
doesn't it become
wasn't it
aren't i?
so all winter i am unwinding
untangling
unknotting
fixing one issue at a time as i go
i cannot see clearly
but at least i can see
where i step
just ahead
one more month
one more week
one more day
until
sun
and it
all comes back
the realization
can i be allowed to be happy?
content?
warm?
me?
it is the middle of june and i realize i have just torn at the ball again.
i hold it in my hands wondering what i have just done.
dwelling
why
go back go back but i can't
this is all there is
we walk
and that dark thread is still with us
tangling in our fingers
but still we walk
YOU ARE READING
Book #2
PoetryThe old one is old and cringey. So I made a new one! I'm not a freakish middle school fangirl anymore, so you can read my ideas without internally dying! Now, it's meme time. // (mostly short stories and poetry, with a lil bit of meme-y stuff (idk)...
