You and I, Do or Die - A Lams Modern HS AU

Chapter 4 - The Panic Attack

Chapter 4 - The Panic Attack

(Trigger Warnings: Suicidal Thoughts, Panic attack)

{Alexander's POV}

Nothing eventful really happened in math class. It was mostly just pre-calc prep and stuff. As I'm walking down the hallway to my History class I go over my thoughts again, looks like I do have Mr. Washington, just like he said I would.

My jaw still hurts like shit. I should've paid more attention to where I was going.

I walk through the open door to Washington's classroom and wow, does he try hard to be a good teacher. The desks are all placed in even rows facing the board, which is surrounded by posters and jokes about history. I start to feel pity for him until I turn my head to take a glance at his desk, to which I see three small flags in a mug with a few pencils.

The rainbow LGBTQ+ flag, the Transgender flag, and the Black Lives Matter flag.

I feel my face switch emotions, what's happening?

Just as Mr. Washington walks through the door, I sit down in my seat, but instead of going to his desk he walks up to me with a curious look on his face.

"What're you smiling about kiddo? Are you that excited to learn about dead people?" He laughed and stood up straight, walking down the aisle of desks and over to his board that labeled instructions.

Me? Smiling?

I furrow my eyebrows and stare at the ground for a moment. Perhaps more than a moment because when I snapped out of my phase all the desks were filled with freshmen. I look around in hopes to see John and to my luck, he's the kid to my left and one up. That means I can get a few good looks at him without him noticing me.

The class started after a minute or two and Washington mostly gave instructions. My focus kept fixing upon the back of John's head, over to the flags and down at my desk. It was a boring class, but I already knew it was going to be my favorite.

After a few minutes of instructions, Washington allowed us to talk to friends if we'd like. I knew that wouldn't happen, given the fact I don't have any at all in the school. John didn't have his group either and I had wondered if I should talk to him. I decided not to obviously, and instead let my thoughts wander and take over my mind, filling the time we had to talk with my own thoughts.

Of all the thoughts I could think of, at least 90% of them were about my mother. I missed her so much. Nobody could ever replace her. Ever. She was the only one who understood me, who allowed me to be who I am.

Next thing I know I hear the class go silent. My head is down on the desk so I don't seem to notice the dozens upon dozens of eyes staring at me. I sniffled a few times and a voice spoke out.

"Mr. Washington? Can I go to the bathroom?" I heard the teacher grunt in response and a few rustling, footsteps walk past me and I hear two taps on the desk, making me jerk my head up and finally realize how damp my face was. Shit, I was crying. look around at the classroom and see every single person in the room laying their hungry eyes on me. My heart starts to race, I just want to burst into more tears. They all think I'm a baby, they all think I'm weak.

I glance down at my desk as I wiped my eyes and notice a small crumpled up paper, I raise an eyebrow and sniffle one more time trying to ignore the couple eyes still watching me, picking up the paper and unraveling it.

600 Building Bathroom 2 minutes.

Don't worry, nobody will hurt you.

What? What does that mean? Am I being kidnapped? What if I just don't go? What will happen?