You and I, Do or Die - A Lams Modern HS AU

Chapter 18 - Birthday

Chapter 18 - Birthday

(Trigger Warnings: thoughts of suicide, suicide attempt with razorblade, self harm, thoughts of parental figure death)

{Alexander's POV}

Happy birthday to me.

It's my first birthday without my mother. She would always make me brownies.

Ugh, today's going to be horrible.

John and I have been dating for a little over a month, so we both know each other's birthdays and such. Currently, his entire body was nearly crushing me while he snored on top of me, exhausted from the day at school he had yesterday. Two tests, a pop quiz and the cafeteria had been closed so nobody had gotten lunch, I was used to that since I hardly ever had two meals a day, but John was one for constantly eating snack by snack, protein shakes for his football strength. So, as a normal boyfriend would do, I allowed him to snore and sleep on top of me, his hot breath making its way onto my neck.

Once he finally began to stir on top of me, I had been nearly suffocated, shaking John and letting out what sounded like a breathy gasp. John sat up a little and looked down at me worriedly, then down at my chest that he was crushing. "Oh shit." He almost immediately rolled off of me, picking me up and kissing around my bare chest. Thankfully, I didn't react very much, despite the horrifying past I've had about people seeing my battered and bruised body. I've become more comfortable with him seeing me and my body, but I still can't change in front of him because I think I look stupid trying to kick my pants on and jump into them to pull them up my waist. I know, it looks ridiculous. Nevertheless, I let John lift me off of the comfortable mattress, and set into his lap. Honestly, I never complained about him being so touchy with me. He calls me his baby, and he treats me as such. He'd cradle me when I was sad, cuddle me when I felt clingy and never left my side. He knows my past, and he looks after me because of it. When I'm not in the same room as him, he would sit at the door and wait for me like a dog with separation anxiety. The moment I'd exit the room, he scoops me up and envelops me into a deep, passionate and loving kiss.

John was now holding my head close to his chest, apologizing repeatedly for nearly squishing me to death. I laughed, kissing along his exposed collarbone. "Johnny, it's alright. Do you know what day it is?" John lifted his hand away from my head, allowing me to look up at him. "What is it?"

He.. he forgot my birthday? After all the things I've done for him? That he's done for me? He totally forgot about my birthday?

He told me he loved me, yet he can't even remember the most memorable day in the year? The first birthday without my mother? The first birthday I don't have anyone to bake me brownies? To love me, cuddle me, watch my favorite movie?

He's been lying this entire time. He's been using me. Just like everyone else.

Everybody uses me.

"I-I'm sorry. I have to go.." I pushed away from his chest and fell off the bed, scrambling to my feet and half storming, half slumping out of his room. "Oh, okay. Just don't come downstairs for a couple of hours, alright?" Because he doesn't want me, he needs his time away from me. I didn't respond, speed walking into the bathroom before I burst into tears, trying to at least make it through the door before the dam bursts.

Finally, I got into the bathroom and slammed the door shut, immediately collapsing leaning my back against the wall and sliding down onto the floor.

He never loved me, everything he told me was lies. He tells me I'm a good listener yet he doesn't listen to a fucking thing I say!

I slam my hands down onto the tile and let out a broken and cracked scream, barely audible for anyone to hear at all. My hands sagged beside my body and my tears were streaming down my cheeks nonstop.