You and I, Do or Die - A Lams Modern HS AU

Chapter 7 - Overthinking

Chapter 7 - Overthinking

{Johns POV}

He didn't show up.

I've been waiting at the football fields for an hour, he hasn't shown up. He doesn't want to talk to me, he doesn't want to see me, and he hates me.

I sit there for a few more minutes to be alone in my thoughts, my head in my hands as I overthink. He pulled a knife out on me, and what did I do? I ask him if he wants to see me again. How fucking stupid am I? I pulled one of my hands away from my head and quickly reeled it forward, slapping my palm onto my forehead as punishment. God, I'm a loser. Sure, I'm the most popular kid here but I'm a fucking loser.

After a few more minutes of moping to myself I get up and head home. No matter how hard I try to stop thinking about Alexander, it's impossible. I've known him for twenty minutes tops and I already think I'm in love with him. But somehow it feels forbidden to fall in love this quickly.

Once I get home I open the front door and shout, "I'm home!" to which I heard a stampede of stomps all coming from the same person. I glance over to the steps awaiting the happiness of my arrival. When suddenly a small girl, with crisp chocolate brown short hair brushing against her shoulders, porcelain skin and a pink and purple princess dress appeared through the banister of the stairs as she stumbled down laughing and smiling. "Johnny! Johnny! You're home!" She scrambled off the floor after having just face planted into it, running towards me and leaping into my arms. I lifted her up and wrapped my arms around her, doing a few spins. "Yes, Avery, I'm home!" We both laughed as I set her down and patted her head, grabbing her reached out hand and walking her into the kitchen to grab her afternoon snack I always provided for her once I got home.

"I want cookiessss!" She squealed and bounced up and down as she hopped beside me into the kitchen. I shook my head and rolled my eyes playfully, searching through the cabinets and pantry. "Avery, you know you can't have sugar before you eat your dinner." I heard a few stomps of frustration, one of them being on my own foot, Avery tugging and yanking at a clump of my jeans. I simply rolled my eyes and gave her a noogie, grabbing some goldfish crackers and putting some in a bowl for her, handing it down to her.

"Tell ya what, you eat all your goldfish and I'll watch some Tangled with you, alright?" She seemed extremely excited about this, given the fact that she ran off into the living room to munch on her goldfish and watch a show. I chuckled and grabbed my backpack from by the front door, hopping up the stairs to go do my homework.

At least that's what Avery thought I was doing. No, what I was actually doing was going to sit and stare at the wall, thinking about what's going on with that Alexander kid. I mean, he seemed like he had a small interest in me when I saw him looking at me in Spanish. I guess it must've just been me. I got my hopes up. Again. I always do this. One small hint of something good happening for me and I overreact and think everything's about me.

I'm going to be alone forever.. aren't I? I've been with girls before, but none of them seem to stick. I've lost interest romantically in all females, really. Once I found out I was gay I thought I would have more choices to pick, but everytime I try anything I mess it up and push them away. I bet if I even tried with this Alexander, he'd hate me. He did pull a knife out on me. What else could that mean other than he doesn't trust me?

I was interrupted by a knock on my door and the doorknob clicking open, with Avery skipping inside and showing me her empty bowl that had recently been full of goldfish. "Johnny loooook! I finished, now come watch tangled with me!" I looked down at her and forced a small smile to hide my frustration. In the blink of an eye my hand is grabbed, I'm yanked out of my room and pulled down the stairs and into the living room. Avery giggled and tugged me down to sit on the couch, leaping into my lap and shoving the remote into my hand. "Avery, do we have to watch Tangled right now?" She shot me a look telling me I was going to die if I didn't watch Tangled with her right now. I sighed and held up the remote to the television, clicking on Tangled and wrapping an arm around Avery.

After an episode or two I had shut my eyes, hardly even paying attention to anything around me. Next thing I knew I heard Avery speaking to me, shaking my motionless body. "Johnny-y-y-y! You're not even watching!" I opened my eyes and looked down at her, sighing softly and rubbing her back lightly. My eyes slowly closed again and I rested my head on her shoulder. "I know.. I know.. I'm just.. not in the mood for Tangled, sis.." I could tell by how she huffed and puffed in my arms that she was not happy about this. "But you said if I ate all my goldfish we'd watch it!" She thrashed around and pulled herself away from me, stomping her feet on the floor and whining. I feel terrible, but I can't seem to focus on anything other than Alexander. Why didn't he show up? Is he in trouble and actually couldn't come or is he avoiding me?

I watched as Avery threw her usual childish tantrum but her face seemed to change into something of empathy? She waddled over to me and wiped my cheeks, that's when I finally noticed that they were wet. "Brother, why're you crying?" I raised an eyebrow and gently wiped my own cheek, feeling a wet substance touch my hand. She was right, I was crying. I hardly even realized it, but I was crying right in front of her. I've never cried around my family, they're always so supportive and happy around me, they've never seen me cry before. I usually hide in my room if I'm upset but I never cry, why was I crying? Avery was waiting for me to answer and I glanced down at her, smiling softly and sniffling as I brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "I'd tell you but.. I don't know myself, so I would be lying if I told you why.." She seemed confused so I had to rephrase. "I don't know, avery, I don't know why I'm crying.. I'm sure I'll be fine though."

Avery sighed and sat on the couch in front of me and we both closed our eyes, me sniffling a few times as she leaned her head against me. I was already so tired but I hadn't eaten dinner, so I had to stay awake, but everything I tried doing to keep me awake would just drain me further into sleep against the couch. And finally I felt my eyes droop and my head sag, passing out cold with my head leaned back against the couch, my arm around Avery.

{Word Count: 1,255}