A slim chance

Philicent - Part 12 >.<

The song is irresistible by fob :)
Enjoy! :p

Diary, i'm so sorry but I can't keep doing this

I can't leave yet, I can't let myself eat.

I'm not thin i'm fat, I just need to remember that.
Just until Dan gets better.

Dan looked concerned and I knew I shouldn't keep lying, for his sake, but I couldn't leave him in this place all alone.

A month they said. In a month I'd be fit to go.

I don't think so

'Dan, could you just leave me?' I snapped suddenly, making the boy frown

'I..uh yeah sure' he stepped back with a hurt expression. I took the opportunity and ran straight to our room.

I needed to see myself the way I did before, fat and pathetic. For Dan.

I broke through the doors and stood in front of the full length mirror, lifting up my muse shirt. I ignored the huge scar and focused on my stomach. I willed it to inflate and be the way it used to be, the way I used to see it. It didn't though, it stayed flat as a pancake. I liked the way it looked but I couldn't admit that, I had to hate myself.

I needed to get rid of today's food. I might as well make a start if i'm ever going to get back to how I was before.

I twisted the bathroom door handle and locked it. Leaning over the toilet bowl, two fingers hovered in front of my mouth.

I couldn't do this, I was finally better after so many years and now I was flushing it all down the toilet (literally ayyy) for my childhood bully.

But he's more than that, isn't he.

I think...I think I love him.

Without thinking another thought, I shoved the fingers down my throat and relieved myself of breakfast and lunch. The tears came thick and fast.

I looked in the mirror once again and sighed angrily at what I saw. I was stick thin. Why couldn't I just be fat? I need to be fat for Dan.

I tugged my hair but the anger wouldn't fade.

My vision flashed red and my fist flew out and came into contact with the mirror, shattering the glass and wrecking my fist, just as Dan walked in

'Phil!' He shouted, running straight over to me.

I slumped on the floor, clutching my bloody fist and ignoring the tears streaming down my face. I looked up at those chocolate eyes and they looked straight back at me

'Phil, tell me what's wrong' he whispered softly, rubbing my back.

'T-they want m-me to leave you D-dan. They think i-im better'

Dan sighed and looked at me sympathetically

'And are you better?'

'Y-yes' I hiccuped

The boy didn't say much else, he simply pulled my shaking body to his, wrapping His arms around my abdamon

I melted into the embrace, sighing in relief

'I wish I wasn't' I mumbled into Dan's shoulder, the tears finally coming to an end.

Dan shifted position so he could see my face

'Why?' He asked in shock.

I shook my head, I couldn't tell him, he'd think I was silly. Dan pouted sadly and I couldn't resist

'Because I can't leave you Dan' I blurted out and dan's jaw hung open

'You're doing this, trying to hurt yourself, for me?'

I nodded

'Oh Phil' now it was his turn to cry

'I'm so sorry' I whispered, clutching Dan's arm  'Don't hate me'

'I could never hate you, don't be a numpty. You can't do this though Phil. I want you to be better OK? I'm doing my best to get better too so that we can come out together but you can't demolish all this progress because of me, you deserve happiness Phil. You're like the sun in my life, if you stopped shining my whole world would be dark. I need your light'

I sat in shock. I'd never heard Dan say anything like that before. He coughed obviously embarrassed.

'That was beautiful, T-thankyou'

He smiled, blushing rose pink.

I leaned forward to kiss Dan's cheek, just as he had done for me but he quickly moved his head and cupped my face, kissing my lips instead.

Oh my chicken nuggets omfg
I know it took ages but phan kiss wowowow
But will Dan regret it?
Hmhmhmhmh
-Izzy x