A slim chance

HowellDan - Part 18

Come on skinny love just last the year.

Phiil

Philip

Phil lester

Philip Michael Lester

I couldn't get him out of my head. His midnight black hair that shimmered blue in the light, contrasting perfectly with his shining eyes.

3am was the time i usually fell asleep but tonight was different. My gaze constantly flickered to the tub of pills on my bedside table. It was amazing how much power such a small thing had. The power to rid us of self control, rid voices and figures that dont exist. The power to make you sleep.

Make you sleep forever.

My cracked lips stretched into a smile at the idea. Maybe one day, but not tonight. I needed to see Phil tonight.

I cringed remebering the promise i'd made him keep, to never come back. He did say he'd come if I needed him though. I needed him now, my life depended on it.

My phone was cold and sleek in my hands. Shaky fingers tapped out his number before reluctantly pressing call and letting the tone ring out.

'H-hello?'

Phil's croaky voice sounded in my ear and I smiled.

'Phil? Uh..Its dan' For some reason I was scared he would put the phone down on me like so many other people had. The beeping of an ended call could be the theme song to my life.

'Dan?! Oh my god, I miss you so much'

'I-i miss you too...Can you come? I need you'

'Of course! I'll have to and sneak in. Hold on, dont do anything..silly'

For once, I was the one to end the call. The tub of pills somehow found themselves in my hands. I needed to take one to get rid of the fog but I didnt trust myself to take just one. One wouldnt be enough to make me happy. The only drug I needed right now was the one with the black hair and the blue eyes.

I squeezed my eyes shut tight and only opened them again when i heard a soft tap on the window. The ground was cold on my bare feet as I padded over to open it.

The figure climbed into the room and took me in his arms, making me feel safe. The bottle of pills dropped to the floor and became unimportant compared to what i had now.

'I need a pill Phil but i'm scared. I dont think one's enough'

Phil released me from his grip and sighed before taking my hand and leading me over to my bed quietly, so not to wake James.

James. He's the boy who took Phil's place. He doesnt speak so neither do I. He's crazy.

'Dan, I'm going to give you one and then i'm going to put them away okay?....Dan?'

I nodded sharply, silently cursing for leting myself fall in love all over again. The way he spoke with such care and caution, never beaking eye contact. I was supposed to be forgetting him, forgetting he existed.

Phil tipped out a pill and handed it to me. The sparks that jumped between our hands made me want to reach out and grab him but I couldn't. Once I let myself hold on,I couldnt let go.

I gulped down the pill and let the numbness take over. It was like when you've been on a rollercoaster and you feel out of your senses, like your feet arent touching the ground. Nothing anybody said could get rid of the adrenalin that came from the thing you just did.

Surprisingly, I was quite satisfied with just one and the boy next to me smiled proudly.

'I love you' he whispered in my ear, pulling me into his lap.

This was what I feared. I was letting myself care again, love him.

'Phil...I-i cant do this'

His face was the perfect mixture of betrayal, hurt and surprise and it ripped apart my insides. Tore my heart in two and dislodged my stomach, making it flip in angst.

'What? Dan, plase we can make this work I promise. I'll come every day a-'

'No Phil. No, you can go now. Thanks for helping me'

Phil stood up but he looked angry and I shuffled back slightly

'Go? I can't just fucking go dan! I love you and you want me to forget that you exist? Im sorry but I cant make that happen!'

I fumbled with my hands nervously. The fog was taking over and I just wanted Phil to make it go away.

'Whats the worst that I could say? Things are better if I stay, so long and goodnight'

I grinned sheepishly and Phil pushed my shoulder lightly before placing himself back beside me

'Dont think you can go all Gerard Way on me and i'll forgive you'

'Gerard Bae' I corrected him, giggling uncontrollably.

Phil and we rolled around my bed, laughing at nothing at all. These were the moments I lived for, when nothing mattrered but the person beside you and the smile that seemed permenantly plastered on your face

Nothing lasts forever though, nothing is permanant.

Phil sat up suddenly and the room was noiseless once again, tension making the air thick and hard to breathe in.

'I think its best if I go now, while I know I still can'

I smiled sadly at him and squeezed his pale hand firmly

'Yeah, its probably best' I whispered.

Phil stood up and took his hand away awkwardly, taking long strides back towards the window. I watched him begin to lower himself over the sill. Tears sprung to my eyes but I didn't bother to wipe them away.

'Run away with me'

The figure which was almost fully engulfed by shadows span around and frowned up at me from the ground

'What?'

'Run away with me' I repeated

blabla this is shit

im only carrying on because if i dont i'll probably be killed

sorry for the song, it makes me cry too

mehhhh

-Izzy x