A slim chance

Bear - Part 20 <3

This is the second to last chapter and im so sad its almost over

I hope you enjoy :)

The moss on the tree stump that I was sat on was more than probaby ruining my new jeans but that was the least of my worries.

Phil. He was my biggest worry, and it was my fault that he even needed to be worried about at all. I couldn't believe what I'd done to him. It was strange, hurting him was something I had done so many times before but that time it was different. All those other times, I didn't have a choice, it was the ilness. But this time I did have a choice, i wasnt ill. I didnt beat him because I was being made to, I did it because I was angry and that makes me a monster. Old habits die hard I guess.

The moisture from the stump began to seep through my jeans and onto my boxers, creating goose bumps on the tops of my thighs. Cautiously, I got to my feet and looked up to the sky, fairly suprised to see that it was a light peach colour instead of the rich blue it had been before.

My mind was screaming at me to do one thing, and that was find Phil. I'd beaten him and left him in the cold, i owed him it really. I wasnt really sure where I was but my feet began to take small strides in the direction which I could only guess would lead me began to our original spot.

The ground was soft under my feet and I groaned as mud splashed up the side of my trainers, staining them. I trekked on through the forest, trying to concentrate on it's beauty but all i could see were drab trees and colourless weeds. Phil seemed to make everything brighter and more amazing, like a rainbow on a cloudy day.

Every footstep became more and more tiresome as time went on and eventually I stopped, doubling over in exsaustion.I turned my head to take in my surrounding and let out an exsasperated cry as I spotted the tree stump I'd been sat on earlier in the day. The sky was a soft blue colour now but the clouds were a dark grey, signalling rain.

Suddenly, the flapping of birds wings could be heard as they shot out of their trees in panic. I focused my hearing and eventually heard the sound of a police siren, coming closer and closer to my location. Panic rose within me, surely they werent after me? Phil wouldn't do that, he'd forgive me. He knew what situation I was in, he had to.

My limbs were frozen, feet glued to the floor as the siren became louder and louder, an alarm , telling me to run. I didnt though, i stood in the clearing of the forest, adrenalin rushing through me like fireworks. In the distance, a small figure dressed in a neon yellow coat dashed towards me and I finally began to move, sprinting towards a huge clump of trees. More officers appeared out of seemingly nowhere, closing in on me. My breathing turned into wheezing gasps and my knees banged together, fear and shock poisoning my every move.

I finally stopped trying as the men were only a few centimeters away and one grabbed me, twisting my wrists before trapping them in cold metal handcuffs.

'Are you Daniel Howell?' A huge man asked, looming over me and breathing his putrid breath in my face

'Y-yes' I replied quietly, hoping, praying that this wasnt what I thought.

'Daniel Howell, you are under arrest for the attack of Philip Lester. You do not have to say anything as it may harm your defense, anything you do say may be later relied on in court. Do you understand?'

My brain screamed at me to fight but i deserved to be taken away and locked from the world. I hurt the person I love and that's a crime that cant be forgiven.

 I nodded and then i was being dragged towards a sleek white and blue car. I was pushed into the back seat with a stern look from one of the officers before he slammed the door so hard that my head rattled.

Peering up, I gazed out of the window and spotted an officer (Or yellow coat as I may start calling them) chatting to somebody I couldn't see. The yellow coat woman moved to the side slightly and my eyes caught a glimpse of black and I knew instantly.

'Phil? PHIL?!' I screamed with all my might, knocking my fists desperately on the unforgiving glass, making them burn with pain.

Phil turned around and our eyes locked for just a second and in that second, I saw everything. The pain and betrayal, the fear and hurt. His blue orbs filled with crystal tears and he broke the connection, staring solemnly at the floor.

'Oi, kid, shut it will ya? Internet Takeover's on' The officer in the front of the car gestured towards the radio and I scoffed before shutting my mouth.

My gaze still rested on Phil, who was once again chatting intently with the yellow coat. He gave a firm nod and then they were walking towards me. The familiar feeling of angst shot through me and I turned my body away so I was facing straight ahead.

The door beside me opened and a gush of cold air hit me in the face like a harsh slap. I gasped and then slowly tisted my head to see Phil and yellowe coat standing outside of the car.

'He wanted to talk to ya. I've gotta stand 'ere though, so you dont give another battering'

I sneered at the yellow coat and turned back to Phil who was staring back at me.

'I just wanted to say' He began, taking a huge shaking breath 'I'll never forget you Dan Howell. The way you smile with that dimple but then try to frown because youre embarassed. Or the way you can be a complete idiot sometimes but you always manage to make it right' The boys eyes filed with tears which spilled over onto his papery white skin 'Except for this time. I'm so glad I found you again Dan. You made me understand things in  way I never knew I could and its something I'll take with me through my whole life, even without you there. Im so sad that you ruined it all because we have..uh, had something so special. Do you remeber that night when we made the duvet tent and you sat with me to watch Titanic? I asked you if you'd ever let me go, like Rose did to Jack, and you promised me never, never ever would you let me go. But you have, and I'm so sorry you made that choice' Phil took a step back, neve breaking his gaze ' I'll always love you Dan, and I wish I didnt because it hurts. You have no idea how much I want to come and get you out of that car and sweep you away into our own special place where nothing goes wrong but this is the right thing Dan, i hope you will see that one day. I'll miss you Dan Howell' His tears became heavier and moisture clouded mine over too.

I reached out my hand towards him but he shook his head and took another step back before turning and running away, out of sight. Forever.

'I'll miss you too Phil Lester' I whispered before the tears overcame me and my whole body sank back into the leather seat behind me. The yellow coat woman stepped back round from the side of the car and looked at me, her eyes shining with tears.

'He's a good lad you had there, If I could, i'd let you go. But I can't and I'm sorry' She blinked and a single tear ran down her freckled cheek.

I smiled sadly and shook my head

'It's okay, this is my fault, it's time to own up'

She gave me a tiny smile before shuttting the door slowly and getting into the passenger seat

'You okay PC Barnes?' The man in the front aske 'Looks as if you've been crying'

'I'm fine, just drive' yellowe coat replied.

The officer starte up the engine and it vibrated throughout the car

Then we were driving and there was no way out. I craned my neck to get one last few of the forest and saw Phil, standing with a different Officer. He spotted me and gave me a tiny wave before wiping his eyes and turning away. I waved in return, even though he couldn't see.

'It's not a goodbye, it's just a see you soon' I whispered, before laying my head on the window sill and letting tears soak my cheeks.

Im crying my eyes out jfc

well, next chapter is the last guys!

Might do it tonight, im not sure yet.

-Izzy x