Hospitalised//5sos©

Cadence

Taylor and I are currently having one on one therapy. I trust her, she understands. She told me her whole anorexia story and I find it helpful because I'm not alone. I thought I was.

I wish I was strong though but I'm not. I'm not like her, I can't recover its impossible. I'm useless.

I pick at the hair tie on my wrist as we begin to talk. The nerves bubble and i feel sick. I hate talking about myself.

"So Cadence, when was the first time you thought you were fat"

"I didn't think it, I knew it" I barely whispered still picking at the hair tie.

"No, your mind tricked you"

I shook my head then brought my knees to my chest. I didn't want to discuss further and Taylor knew because she smiled then gave me a small hug.

"Well done cadence. See you after lunch" I nodded and once I was out of ear reach I broke down.

Tears splutter out and my body trembles. The aching pain in my chest returns and I lay my head on the carpet closing my eyes in the process.

When I woke I was in an familiar room, the surgery room. I'm crying now.I immediately reached for my nose but thankfully the tube wasn't there, i had just had a panic attack and due to lack of food i passed out. They made me drink a 330 calorie drink and in an hour i finished it, it was difficult but i had to. I screamed because my stomach began to rumble.

"Now now, Cadence you will be on twenty four seven watch for the time being till we can see you are progressing and improving"

I pick at the hair tie again which is now just a small thin piece of thread around my wrist.

A slim nurse with brunette hair tied into a bun walked in. She was very naturally pretty and her smile was sincere. She sat by me and smiled.

"You must be Cadence, I'm Riley"

"Hi" I mumbled and began to fidget which was i thing I did when I was nervous.

"So the rest of us were going to go to the beach now but I was wondering if you wanted to join"

I nodded, wanting freedom from this pathetic hospital. I was being wheeled around but at least I was allowed to leave.

When we arrived at the beach I sat down with Nina and Heather whom both smoked. We spoke about how much people are judgmental about our habits and both agreed that they all should get fucked.

Luke was sitting down building a sandcastle and Ashton helping him. Audrey and Michael both stayed back and Calum had ran off.

Some of the nurses left to find him while we all just sat together on the sand.

I felt okay for once like these people actually liked me but I'm wrong.

No one could like a fat shit like me. I have to be thin, it's all I ever wanted all i want is to be thin and if I can't be thin id much rather be dead.