Hospitalised//5sos©

Cadence

I have to eat, that's what they tell me. I can't eat. It'll ruin my chances of ever being beautiful. I have to be perfect and the only way I'll ever be perfect is by being skinny.

All these horrible nurses tell me I have to eat and if I don't they shove a tube down my nose and throat to pour calories into me I fucking hate it why can't they just let me be happy  

I'm ugly and fat and everything around me is out of control but at least I can control one thing; my eating and how much I weight. 

I can control whether I will be skinny and no one will change that because it's my thing. No ones else's

That's why I'm in the God for saken shitty hospital 'for the mentally ill'
Pathetic right? I know they're going to force me to eat and force me to gain weight but I won't let them.

I have to stay strong and not give in to the orders they give and I refuse to let anyone make me bring food to my lips  

"Can I have a smoke" I ask the short male nurse who's guiding me around the hospital. I read on the rules that we can have supervised smoke breaks which i guess is a bonus apart from the fact some one has to stand with you glaring at you. They're probably judging how fat and disgusting I am.

"Follow me outside but I have to watch you" he's brown and muscly with short spiked hair and a barely noticeable beard that's obviously been overly shaved  

I roll my eyes because it's pathetic. It's not like I'm going to set myself on fire and I'm obviously not going to be smoking weed for the reason that it'll make me hungry  

After over processing my thoughts I light the cigarette and take a drag letting the toxins fill my body and calm me.

Everything about this place makes me laugh it's so stupid. Do they really think it'll actually help me? Ha.

(CADENCE ATTACHED))