I lie down thinking about how much I've been a burden to my family.
When I was 3 my parents had to cancel their big trip to America because I had got really badly sick and ended up in hospital.
When I was 5 my mum had to spend half of her money to pay for my treatment plan in hospital because I was diagnosed with Rhuematic Fever and required heart surgery.
When I was 13 Mum had to quit her job because i was kicked out of school due to fighting and went of the rails and she was 'required' to look after me.
Not to mention all the shit I put them through as I got older.
My mum despised me, I was the mistake, the error. My dad never spoke to me, I was better off dead to them.
At school I had no friends, I never understood it. I tried to be nice and friendly I even gave 'my friends' money and clothes and stole things from my mum for them but they just took advantage of me. I never understood it but now I do. It's because I'm me, an unlovable useless piece of shit.
No one is ever going to love me.
I wish I was someone else. I wish I wasn't me. Why did I have to be who I am. This unlovable piece of shit. Why? If there is a god what did I do to piss him off so much for him to make me this way?
I never knew how to "love myself" all I was good at was hating my self with a passion. I never looked after my self I always punished and hurt myself
I was sitting in Dr Robbie's office. We had our first session today and I would be lying of I said I wasn't overcome with extreme anxiety. I was shaking and my knees were bouncing wildly. As Dr Robbie came in she gave me a reassuring smile.
"Hello Audrey, it is lovely to meet you. I'm not just sayng that i truly mean it and you are such a beautiful young girl " I didn't know if I believed her but the way she smiled and spoke I kind of believed it.
We began by getting to know eachother. I became to feel comfortable with her really quickly which is something im not used to. She made me feel as if I was liked and that someone truly cared. I didn't want to get my hopes up too soon incasr I was let down. I still kept parts of my wall up. I told her how i never understood why this "god" hated me so much and she told me that bad things often happento amazingpeople but that it was to test them to prove they are as strong as the universe thought. I liked talking to Dr Robbie she was kind and caring and I felt comfortable opening up to her which wasn't something that I was used to.
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Hospitalised//5sos©
FanfictionEight adolescents are hospitalised and admitted into Friars Hospital for the Mentally Ill. This is their journey, their struggles and their story throughout their stay in hospital. Copyright2015 SenpieMikey (Now toxicfairyprincess) Wattpad©