written on 1/18/21
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i'm so tired to the point i'm done doing anything anymore
and i know that's a horrible thing to say
because believe me, this isn't what i wanted
but i knew the risks
i knew that what was being brought my way would not solve my unwanted problems
it always seemed like that would be the case
but i always knew, somewhere deep down,
what has been rotting inside of me would not bloom
and just disappear forever
out of sight, out of mind
i realize how pathetic this must sound
yet i can never stop apologizing
i want that chance to be better
my mind tells me the opposite
it finds beauty in the material and asks me to pierce my skin for some finality
i can't bring myself to plunge
but i'll still tread lightly
hoping that scratching the surface will stop me from wanting in
i'm so sorry
what i have offered seems to be slipping through
all my plans are starting to fade away
my heart keeps forgetting what it needs
what i need
some finality.
a breath of fresh air
instead of the harsh darkness
that has fallen asleep in my head
–––
i don't know i'm just so tired and my brain has fooled me once again. i hope it fades cause i'm tired of it ruining what i find. i just want to sleep. i just want peace.
YOU ARE READING
folie
Poetryjournal-like entries taken from my journal filled with poems and tales that might not make much sense to you. read if you don't mind it, though.