written on 5/20/21
---
tell me why i find myself awake at odd times
no longer able to fall asleep,
with or without you here.
give me reason to believe i will get what i need
or at least what i deserve
because i worry that this is it
do i not deserve more?
why have i not been given the sun, only after you have already brought me everything else,
and this was the last thing you could give me?
why do i feel like i'm not at the center of your world but i'm also not in mine
i feel seen behind a veil
distorted with the illusion that i look and am told i am more than i'm really worth
that way i let go of myself
and show you what you want
so you take in every ounce i have given
every tear and moments of doubt, guilt, and shame
i lay it all out for you
and in the end i still receive nothing
empty apologies
hollow words that will repeat themselves
over and over and over and over
until i can't stand it
and i will pose as the villain
because that's all i'm made out to be
though you may tell me otherwise
it's hard to believe any words you say
when any truth has been brought through my pain
---
hi it's been awhile. this poem might sound selfish but i'm seeing myself and realizing i'm a person again after idk what and i just feel like there's something i'm needing. as of right now i just feel like i've been put on a back burner and i want to be treated like something that's more than temporary satisfaction that i don't even get to enjoy myself. i don't know, i just miss myself, i want her to have more and be given better. i'm sorry, love you and goodnight.
YOU ARE READING
folie
Poetryjournal-like entries taken from my journal filled with poems and tales that might not make much sense to you. read if you don't mind it, though.
