folie

inner grief, outwardly

written on 12/1/21
—
i find no comfort in freezing days
each step adds to my aching soles
i keep my eyes up
feeling sorrow through the trees
grief hangs from their branches
they fall and hit the unexpectant
and that wave dusts their shoulders
what each one sees is only for them
whether it be a reminder of how the seasons have changed, or of some one or thing that has passed them by
for me, i remember who i used to be
i long for the days where i felt different
maybe those were the times i grew somber
realizing i've started to age
lines fade into my face but my eyes haven't seemed to change
i look into this person, trying to recognize her beauty but i mourn for who i left behind
i think i left her too soon
there was so much i was flooded with, and as much as i forced myself to adapt and grow, i think i just left her out and made room for someone new
someone who may seem better, but also can now see the flaws in abandoning someone so precious
without as much of a thought
i wish i could hold her and tell her i'm sorry
i didn't mean to turn it into a faint memory
you deserve more than the fleeting moment of a leaf from a tree, falling carefully
—
the structure of this probably isn't right but i'll fix it in the morning. i'm actually happy with how this turned out. i'm getting back to writing and reading, trying to ground myself and rediscover who i am. i love you and goodnight.