folie

just anger

written on 5/29/21

---

now that it's been done

there's no going back to before

the damage has hit

and i don't know how i will heal

even if it can be done again

i know it isn't for the right reasons

it won't be what you want

now that i've been ruined

i don't want you to touch me

i will still go back to that moment that lives on in my head

warning me that it's only to please me

only after having hurt me

nothing genuine.

so it seems this cycle repeats.

but this isn't right

i should not be crying after each time

because my needs are never met

i shouldn't be okay with mediocrity 

i want more than that

this can't be all

is it possible to reach a better point?

i wish i could know

if someone would help me

---

i'm so tired of being hurt and having my thoughts flood back to the same day every time. if it isn't obvious there's some things that haven't been dealt with just because they hurt too much. it all feels like my fault, though, and i'm sure it somehow is. there's only so much i can do but it's not my job to tell what is the problem and solve it, only to discuss. goodnight, though i will be up for much longer dreading tomorrow.