written 11/1/20---
i know i'm not special
i know i'm not the only one
of course it hurts
but what did i expect?
it's my fault i can't see how clearly i am not important enough for you
to be the only one
i am just an option
a last resort
because why would i be anyone's first choice?
that's not how it's ever been
i understand someday
someone will see me
how i see them
and that will be the day the sky no longer looks so dull to me
the day where I don't have to pretend anymore
to be okay with the distance
and the cold moments alone
the screaming agony from the inside
will at last be put to rest
and someone will be there
to guide me home
because i'm so tired
of walking on my own
i wish i could tell you why i feel this way
but you're never there for me to say
i receive nothing in return
so i perceive i am nothing, because you don't return
i'm never anything
i can see that now
i want to be something
but i can never reach
my hands can never reach
and no one is ever on the other side
willing to pull me back
so i'll just let myself go
and let those who knew me pretend to mourn
though i was never more than a thought in their head
---
i don't know why i'm letting this get to me but it really f*cking hurts and i hope it will go away soon. sorry i'm being stupid but thank you for reading, have a goodnight please.
YOU ARE READING
folie
Poetryjournal-like entries taken from my journal filled with poems and tales that might not make much sense to you. read if you don't mind it, though.