folie

you know how it feels to be in pain

written on 11/14/21

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i think i've put this off

for as long as i can

it's with great grief and longing

that i finally say goodbye to you

it's been so long your name has faded

i don't think to think of you anymore

it is good, to have set you aside

because how i saw you was too much for who you really were

i placed my love onto you

knowing it would not grow through you

but you were my hope for those short moments

i gave you so much more in my mind than i ever could show you

when i think back to the time

where you last saw me as my own

and treated me with kindness

i already knew you saw me as nothing more

but that night meant everything to me

when you said goodnight and brought me close

i remember you said my name

you probably don't recall this time

but you were all i could think about

you were the center of my words

and the meaning of my songs

i just wanted to give you everything

when you had all you ever wanted

you left and forgot the place we met

your name faded back into my mind

this time, i need to let you go

i loved you so much, but i hope you have all the joy and love in the world, you deserve everything good.

goodbye.

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when i look back and reflect on how i felt then, it was such a youthful innocent love that was built on a fantasy of just being loved and cared for. writing this was just a way for me to acknowledge someone i believed that i loved but i never got to say goodbye. i wish there was a moment where i knew I wouldn't see them again so that i could've said goodbye, but maybe this was for the best. i look back at where i used to be only a few years ago and i think of how differently i feel and understand love now. there are so many ways to love someone, so i look back at this person knowing that then i was just a young lovesick teen girl with too much love in her heart with no one to give it to. sometimes i miss her and want her back, just to give her that love.

okay, rant over. goodnight.