folie

she writes to you with love

written on 10/10/21

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i have been captured

continuously haunted by recurring nightmares

that seep into my waking days

ensuring that every step i take is torture

everything is vague enough to where i can't pinpoint how i feel, let alone find a solution for anything

everything turns into a fantasy when reality is too hard to face

i hate when this is what i become

heavy burdens have fallen on me

but i disappear underneath them

when i emerge i'm no longer who you remember

i make you worry and grieve and beg me to bring back who you loved 

i tell you to let her go.

she can't endure any more

with huge restraint she let go

and left me to pick up broken pieces

that have no way of being mended

you can cry over her but i won't feel it

what was taken from me won't be brought back

she took what was good and gave me the rest

things that used to keep her up at night now grant me the same,

everything that made her cry is now my burden to carry, her tears are now mine to wipe away

no one should have ever made her feel like this

pushed to the brink, she is no longer herself

she deserved more than she was given

but she couldn't stay long enough to find something better

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i would say this is a vent post but it seems like everything i write and post is me venting to some extent, as these are always about how i feel in some way but just put differently. i don't know, it's hard to say how i feel anymore. i say that now because of how my brain is making me think but maybe it'll be fine another day. it's already been a year since i created this "book" which is crazy to think where i was then and where i am now. emotionally/mentally, i don't know if i can say I'm better. only time will tell.