written on 12/3/20
---
i hear the voices faintly now
their intrusion no longer present
it's a weird sensation,
the newfound emptiness,
and i believe it's safe to say i don't like it
the longer i go without their steady hands
guiding me through my day
forward into a different kind of peace
a sorrowful silence that i'm not sure why i enjoyed
i felt a painful joy
to know that while i had nothing else in my life
this heavy presence would embrace me in my entirety
taking away the numbness
and giving me what i felt like i lost
though i may never have found it to begin with
it felt like it was what i deserved
what i am worth
now, i don't feel it
but it's not a good thing
i didn't want suppression of the one thing i could actually feel
maybe it will come back soon
when i am reminded again what i am
and how i am supposed to cope
this is not what i want
even though i shouldn't long for the other side either
this was not my choice
i didn't ask for either
and i would love to have a say in what resides in my mind
but i am afraid i've never had that choice
---
kinda weird i am not feelin anything rn but it's how it is maybe it'll come back hopefully maybe kinda maybeeee idk what i'm saying anymore goodnight
YOU ARE READING
folie
Poetryjournal-like entries taken from my journal filled with poems and tales that might not make much sense to you. read if you don't mind it, though.