The Art of Seduction

Chapter 26

Jake's POV

"911. What's your emergency?"
"Oh, God! S-someone help! Jackie, please wake up!"
"Sir, calm down. Tell me what's wrong!"
"Sh-She's not breathing! No Jackie, please!"
"Ok, tell me your location and the paramedics will be on their way."
"519 Broadway. Please hurry!"
"Stay on the line until the paramedics arrive, sir."
"Oh, God! Jackie! I'm so sorry! What have I done!"

I woke up coated in a heavy sweat from my dream, or should I say memories. I couldn't sleep so I got up quietly not to wake Nikki. She looked so peaceful in her sleep. I go to the kitchen and decide to start the coffee and making breakfast for her.
I couldn't believe what she told me last night. About her past. What she had to go through. Just thinking about her own father beating her, my heart felt like it could break yet it was so angry it could rip me apart. My blood was boiling over and I wanted to find him and beat him unconscious but I could only assume and hope he's having a rough go of it spending a lifetime in prison. I'm trapped in my thoughts as I whip up the batter of pancakes. It was clearly an understatement when I thought Nikki deserved a good guy who would treat her right. She needed a fucking saint and I wished I was that guy but I most definitely was not.

I can only imagine she must have a fear of letting men into her life after the trauma and abuse she lived through. And I can't believe of all the people she chose to let in, she chose me. It makes me the happiest fucking man on the planet she finally thinks of herself as beautiful, yet it nearly destroyed me to deny drawing her. After everything she told me, It makes my past mistakes even more grave. I can't bring myself to go down that dark path of my past. And I can't bring myself to tell her what I've done. She'd never look at me the same. She'd run for the hills and honestly, she's probably better off.
"There you are! You're awake?" Lost in my thoughts as I poured a glass of orange juice for her, her voice startled me and I jumped in surprise and dropped the glass, shattering all over the floor.
"Shit!"
"Oh darn, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, it's just that you're never awake this early."
"So much for surprising you in bed with breakfast"
"Where's your broom and dustpan? Don't move, I'll get it so you don't step on any glass barefoot."
"It's down the hall. There's a storage closet next to the bathroom, the door on the left." I see her disappear down the hall and return a few minutes later with everything in hand. We cleaned up the shattered mess on the floor and sat down to enjoy breakfast together.
"Why do you shy away from art, Jake?" She brought up the dreaded topic and I knew why. I knew what she saw in that storage closet that caused her interest and it stirred the panic in my stomach.
"I just don't anymore. I'd much rather focus on teaching."
"I saw a bunch of work in the storage closet. Jake, those pieces are incredible!" I had put mine and Jackie's artwork in the closet after the incident. I couldn't bear to look at them anymore with her not here. It was always a reminder of the past, of what happened.
"But you tell our class all the time to never be afraid to show your work and put yourself out there. You can't keep those hidden." She didn't let go of the topic and the anxiety kept building up to my throat.
"You should put those on display, Jake. Have an exhibit! You would have so many buyers!"
"I don't want to, alright. Please just drop it!"
"Come on, why? I don't understand. I could ask David Webber for you if he could hold a showing."
"NO! Just drop it!" I couldn't sit at the table anymore. I couldn't look at her face. My hands were shaking I was so tense. I got up with the dishes and headed over to the sink, cleaning to keep my mind under control.
"Jake, I know something happened in your past. It's ok to open up to me," She walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist but I was trembling with such fear, I didn't want her to feel it.
"Just drop it, Nikki, please I don't want to talk about it." I pried her hands off my body.
"I shared with you my deepest, darkest secret! And you're still not willin' to open up to me!" Her emotions switched and her voice was angry and hurt.
"Is this about your fiance? Do you still fucking love her or some shit?" I flung my head around in shock she even knew about Jackie. I bet Lizzy fucking said something and I was already fuming at that thought.
"I SAID FUCKING DROP IT!"
I couldn't contain my nervousness or anger anymore. She couldn't find out, she just couldn't. I liked Nikki, a lot. Hell, I haven't felt this way about anyone in such a goddamn long time, since Jackqueline actually. And it scared the living shit out of me at the realization.
I loved her. I fucking loved Nikki and it would destroy me if she found out and hated me because of it.

I instantly felt horrible for reacting that way. I let my emotions get the better of me. I try to regain my composure and turn around to look at her. Fuck. The look on her face nearly killed me right there. The look of fear in her eyes and her mouth dropped open from her gasp of shock at my outburst. It looked like she was holding back tears and I felt like a monster.
"Nikki," I sighed apologetically, "I-I'm sorry." I extended my arm out to her but she stepped back quivering.
"I-I'm gonna go," She mumbled in fear and kept taking steps back like fleeing from a lion's den until she reached the door.
I could've stopped her. I wanted to more than anything. But I didn't. I wasn't fucking man enough to tell her. I'd let the fears of my past control my life for the last seven years. And for what I did, it was probably better off for Nikki to fear me. Let her go because I was no better than her monster of a father.