Need You To Need Me | Jenlisa

XIX.

Jennie didn't know how she had found herself in her room with Kai.

She didn't know how she was letting her neck being kissed and the hem of her dressed being risen up.

She didn't know why muffled moans weren't leaving her mouth. Or why Kai's heavy breathing wasn't turning her on.

Yet, she had been so determined to make herself enjoy this. She needed to prove something. To the world. To her friends. But mostly, to herself. That she was straight and definitely didn't feel anything for her best friend.

Kai's strong hands kept Jennie close to him while he was grinding his excitement onto Jennie's thigh.

Jennie complied, slowly rolling the bones of her hips on him, still feeling nothing.

Irritation and desperation were starting to mix with Jennie's sweaty skin when she tugged at Kai's shirt and told him to be rougher.

All that gentleness wasn't helping her not think about the only person she knew she'd rather be doing this with.

Still, she couldn't allow herself to think about her.

She couldn't digest the fact that she'd have to think about her childhood best friend to get off with the guy who was once her boyfriend. Someone she should have felt something for. Especially in a situation like this.

Even though Kai, being a guy, had never really been a fan of foreplay, he still found himself incredulous at Jennie's request.

Figuring it might have been the alcohol speaking, he went through with it.

With a quick motion of his hand, he had risen the desperate girl's dress to her mid-belly, leaving her panties exposed.

When Jennie was still begging him to be harsher with her, Kai knew that there was something wrong with the girl that day, but pushed the thought aside and kept doing what the birthday girl had instructed.

When Kai went to get rid of her undergarment, Jennie put one hand on top of his and said:

"Rip them"

And so he did.

Next thing, he was inside her. Moving to Jennie's frantic pace. Who begged him. And begged him. And begged him again.

She didn't know whether her begs were intended to the boy who was on top of her or to someone else altogether. Someone that could fix her.

Because there was no way she didn't need that when she felt so broken.

With her hands still gripping tightly Kai's shirt, who hadn't had the time to take it off, she forced herself one last time to feel something that wasn't the light pain that was spreading in her lower abdomen.

Desperation could be found in her every movement.

It was only when she granted herself the possibility of thinking of Lisa that she finally let go.

Lisa's petite but strong figure. Lisa's hair tickling her skin. Lisa's strong back. Lisa's long and slender fingers. Lisa's skin on hers.

Lisa.

When she finally came down from her high she noticed that Kai wasn't inside her anymore. With his arms around each side of her head, he was looking at her, confusion written all over his face.

Jennie couldn't be aware of the cause of his emotions because it felt like she had completely blacked out.

It was only when she went to the bathroom to recompose herself that she found out the reason. Her hair were a mess and her make up was all smudged. But, when she brought a hand to her face and it came back wet, she knew.

She had been crying all along.

It was Rosé who had found her crumbled on the floor, loud sobs ripping through her chest.

"Jennie, what happened?" The blonde asked while she moved frantically to the crying girl's side.

In all the years of her friendship, Chaeyoung was sure she had never seen the brunette look this broken. Not in front of her, at least.

Jennie didn't answer her, still too preoccupied with her own tears and self deprecating thoughts.

All Rosie wanted to do was take the girls in her arms, until she'd calm down at least. But given Jennie's erratic breath she knew she couldn't do it. It would have just gotten her panic to increase.

So she sit next to her and took her head on her lap while she stroke her hair in an attempt to get the girl out of her panic attack.

She even sang her her favorite song in her ear, even though she wasn't completely sure the brunette had heard her, given the deafening music pumping through the aux downstairs.

"It's all gonna be okay" the blonde kept whispering.

She didn't know whether she was telling that to Jennie or to herself.

After a while, the brunette seemed to have regained the strength to at least get herself into a sitting position.

"I'm a horrible person, Chaeng"

"You're not" Chaeyoung didn't need to know the reasons behind the older's words. She knew that what Jennie was struggling with, ran below the surface.

"I fucking hate myself" Jennie said while palming her face with her hands, not caring about her make up. It was already smudged anyway.

Rosie kept quiet. What could you say to something like that. "Don't"?

The blonde placed her right hand on Jennie's knees and moved her thumb in a reassuring pattern.

She was there to listen to her, not judge her.

"The only person I ever... felt something for." The brunette kept going. Her words coming out in waves and without a real logic to them.

Chaeyoung noticed the lack of the term "love" but to be honest, she had never hear her friend use it with anyone.

"I fucked up. I keep fucking up"

"I think Kai is still pretty into you, you know"

The brunette seemed to stiffen at the boy's name. She kept silent for a few seconds before saying, with her eyes staring blankly in front of her:

"I'm not talking about Kai"

Rosé wasn't sure who they were talking about. But she also couldn't bring herself to ask the brunette. If she didn't want to say the name of the person, so be it.

"Maybe it's not too late" Chaeyoung tried to say what seemed to fit the situation better.

Talking to Jennie about her personal life was like walking in a dark room. You could be turning on the lights, but walking around hoping to not hit against something seemed the most considerate thing to do.

Jennie kept silent and shook her head slowly. Her eyes like two lifeless orbits when she said:

"I need a drink"

Truth was Jennie needed and longed for more than one drink. She aspired to forget everything that had happened that night and was willing to drink as much alcohol as it'd take.

It was her birthday, yet she had never wanted to disappear more.

"Jennie, I don't think you-" But rosé couldn't finish her sentence because Jennie had already gotten herself up and out the bathroom without muttering a word.

Rosè sighed, before following the girl downstairs. If she was gonna get wasted, at least she'd make sure to keep an eye on her.

A.N.: I know this chapter is quite short too but at least I hope it swipes out any doubts some of you might have about Jennie's feelings for Lisa.