Need You To Need Me | Jenlisa

XXIV.

"Hello! Lisa? Is that you?"

Lisa froze.

Minnie had called her from downstairs claiming there was one of her Korean friend on the line. Given the fact that she had used Minnie's phone only to call Soojin, she had run down the stairs abruptly, excitement pumping through her vein.

She had expected to be met with Soojin's soft voice. Instead, her ears filled with the sound of a quite nervous Jennie greeting her.

All the weeks spent thinking and trying to find herself again seemed to vanish in a few seconds.

Lisa realized that she had made so much progress in so little time because she hadn't had to see or hear Jennie. Yes, the brunette had occupied her thoughts non stop ever since she left for Thailand, but it was ne thing to have an endless stream of memories, which she could have control on most of the times, and another to face the uncertainty of a conversation with Jennie.

She felt all the mindfulness leave her body and intrusive thoughts make their way back to her brain.

Why was Jennie calling her? How did she know where to call her? What did she want for her? Why couldn't she just let her be?

She cleared her throat and answered to the girl that was patiently waiting on the other line.

As they were talking, Lisa realized just how much she didn't want this conversation to happen. It was still too soon. Even though during her late night pensive sessions she had told herself she was ready to forgive the girl for all the years of hurting she had caused her, when it actually came down to it, Lisa couldn't do it.

Jennie's apology had sounded empty and forced. Like a prayer you're used to say over over, but in fact you don't mean it. Jennie was used to apologizing to Lisa every time the two of them had an argument but, coming to think of it, Jennie had never pronounced the words like she had actually meant them.

All the nights Lisa had spent crying and wishing she could just lose her memory so to finally know peace because she had fallen for the only person in the world that she could never have, were coming back to her. Like a downpour on a sunny day, she hadn't expected to feel so drenched and heavy because of Jennie's words.

When Minnie had entered the room again to grab the glasses she had left on the table, Lisa didn't let the occasion go to waste. She told her to wait for her to go to the beach while playfully keeping the girl's wrist to prevent her from escaping.

The brief exchange had happened in Thai, so Jennie hadn't been able to understand them.

Lisa kept the brunette on the other line for a few seconds after, before finally being able to hang up. She knew her words might have come out harsh, but she did not have a choice. Jennie needed to get the message that Lisa wasn't that accessible anymore.

"So... Jennie, uh?" Minnie said, her feet's sinking deep on the wet sand.

They were walking by the water, contemplating whether to go in it or keep sunbathing. After a few weeks, Lisa's skin had already turned a lot darker than she had intended on. But, At the same time, she couldn't find herself caring for it.

She had always struggled to fit the complex and exhausting beauty standards that her friends had been so desperate to follow and fit in. Her skin would never be fair enough, her hair were too thin, her body too bony to be considered attractive.

So, growing up, nobody called her beautiful. Nobody, but Jennie.

Her relationship with Jisoo was too sisterly like for compliments like that to be exchanged. Even though the both of them admired each other a lot, they would never admit it.