Need You To Need Me | Jenlisa

XXII.

Chaeyoung's head rested on Loren's chest.

Hearing the steadiness of his heartbeat was the only thing keeping her from completely day dreaming in that moment.

Lately, she had been living inside her head a lot. She woke up and started thinking. She got dressed and ate her breakfast in automatic. When her mum asked her to go to church with her, she simply complied.

She had even found herself singing full songs without actually feeling the lyrics that were leaving her mouth. Loren had noticed that. But, when he tried to tell her that her performances were lacking something, she had simply shrugged at him.

A thought. A single stupid thought had been behind this whole meditative state Chaeyoung had found her self in.

Love.

The concept had always sounded foreign to her.

When she said "I love you" to Loren, her words felt distant. Like a place she had always wanted to visit but was too scared to go on a plane. Like seeing someone older than you going through the major steps in life.

It was something she longed for, yet she felt like she couldn't have.

That was what was setting her off.

Why didn't her heart bounce when Loren came to pick her up? Why did she feel relieved every time he was passed out because he was too high? Why did she defend their relationship even when she knew that it was far from the fairy tale she had been told her first would be?

But the bigger question was, why was she asking herself all of this just now?

Jisoo was the answer. Ever since the brunette had removed herself from Rosie's life, the latter  had started watching things from another perspective. Like she was an outsider in her own life.

She had realized that without the girls she was nothing.

They had always been such a constant in her life that now that they weren't talking, she felt like an impostor. Like she was impersonating someone else. Because she was sure that nothing she was doing felt like her choice.

That's why she suddenly turned her head to look at the star ceiling in her bedroom and said:

"I think I wanna quit the band"

Loren's heart rate stayed the same. He wasn't one to get mad. Things usually seemed to slide past him.

"Why?" He simply answered.

"I don't know" Rosé sighed, "I'm just not having fun anymore".

"Just because something stops being fun doesn't mean you should quit it" he replied, his tone of voice was deep because of their laid position but steady still.

"Then why doing it?" Rosè answered expressing all her disagreement.

All her life, she was never the one to raise her voice and take things into her own hand, always letting others choosing for her. Her own person had been dictated by someone else's opinion. Someone, quoting, who had "only her best interest in mind".

"You can't just quit now and not care about anything or anyone that's in it. Stop being so childish." Loren's words hadn't meant to be a critic towards Rosé. They never did.

Rosé didn't know wether it had been the implied selfish or the explicited childish that had rubbed her the wrong way, but she suddenly brought herself into a sitting position and turned her head towards her boyfriend.

"If I'm such a child like you never miss to remind me every single day, then why are you wasting your precious time dating me?"

Rosé's face had been extremely serious. Loren's on the other hand  had a slick grin on her face. He eyed his girlfriend's body up and down before saying: