Need You To Need Me | Jenlisa

XXVIII.

"I don't want them"

"I want you"

Jennie had said before closing the gap between her and Lisa's body and crashing their lips together.
Just like that afternoon of several years ago, Lisa hadn't kissed her back. It was only when she felt Jennie's hand on her back bringing her closer and her tongue pressing harder on her mouth that she was brought back to reality. Bringing her hands to the brunette's face, she kissed her back.

They kissed like they knew no other language. Their kisses were sensual and heavy, yet delicate and profound. With their kisses, they were fighting and making up.

Jennie had managed to get her hands under Lisa's shirt. With her palms pressing harshly against the soft skin of the younger's back, she managed to keep the blonde close to her. Jennie held her like she was scared she would run away suddenly.
But that hadn't been on Lisa's mind at first. She was too busy trying to tell Jennie everything she couldn't say. Still, her actions couldn't hide the hunger, the frustration and the pain that she was feeling. Her kisses were angry and harsh. The softness of Jennie's lips on hers was the only thing keeping her grounded and not letting her feelings take over her.

She didn't want to hurt Jennie but the older girl had been hurting her for years. And she wasn't even aware of it.
So,  placing her hands on the shorter girl's shoulders, she abruptly pushed her back.

Jennie had been so taken aback by the action, that the first thing she did was try to reconnect her lips to Lisa's but once again, she was stopped by the younger.

"Jennie, what does this mean?" Lisa asked. She was still panting but the hurt in her eyes more than visible.

But still, Jennie's armor didn't crumble. Even in her most vulnerable moments, Jennie just couldn't get rid of the wall she had been building all her life. Even if Lisa had managed to knock down a few bricks, her recent absence had been enough for the brunette to put them back up.

So Jennie defended herself the only way she knew: she pushed Lisa away.

"Does this have to mean anything?"

Lisa took a step back. Than another. She brought her hands to her face and then to her hair in frustration.

"See? This is what I'm talking about!"

"I can't do this anymore, Jennie. Do you understand that? I can't!"

"I'm done... So done"

Even if she could see the pain she was causing Lisa, Jennie did nothing except stand right in front of the girl. Her eyes were moving, studying Lisa's face with massive attention. Yet, she found herself frozen, unable to move even a limb.
She didn't want to hurt the girl, that was the last thing on her mind. But in the back of her eyes ran images of Lisa. Lisa with Soojin, Lisa leaving without telling anyone, Lisa's sad eyes whenever Jennie said the wrong thing. Her mother.

So, when the blonde started taking rapid steps back, Jennie still didn't move. Even when Lisa turned her back on her and started running away, tears running down her face, Jennie remained motionless.

It was only when Lisa had already turned the corner out of the park that a feeble sound left Jennie's lips.

"Wait" she had said.

Lisa couldn't say how she found herself in her mum's arms, being slowly rocked back and forth, while she bawled her eyes out.

After Jennie had once again proved how what they were doing ( which Lisa couldn't even come up with a name for) was just a game, Lisa had started running. At first, she went around the city aimlessly, not caring how much her legs had started burning after the first couple of miles. She just kept going. She needed the pain she was feeling to be justifiable, tangible. She'd rather voluntarily hurt herself rather than acknowledge the pain caused by somebody else.