Thirty-five

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Sneaking into his bedroom at night became routine

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Sneaking into his bedroom at night became routine. I'd wait until I was sure everyone was in bed and creep along the hall until I reached his door. Every night he'd answer, and every night he'd hold me close until we fell asleep. He kept the nightmares away but unfortunately, I could not do the same for him. Sometimes he would sob quietly with heavy breaths while still dreaming holding me closer by my teeshirt.

This was one of those nights.

"Draco" I whispered with eyes half-closed, sitting up and shaking his shoulders delicately. "Draco, wake up please" I pleaded, hating the pained noises he was making.

"Thea" he mumbled, opening his eyes with difficulty looking pale with fear "are you ok?" he asked, resting a hand on my flushed cheek.

"I should be asking you that" I laughed lightly putting my hand on his.

"Ugh, I woke you up again, didn't I? I'm sorry, it was another nightmare" he sat up. "Don't apologise, I was practically awake anyway" I smiled.

I didn't bother asking him about his nightmare. He never liked talking about it.

"Everything will be ok soon" I promised, and he snatched his hand back at that.

"Why do you keep saying that?" He frowned "you're acting like it's something passing" his tone was hurt.

"I don't mean to. I know it's more complicated than that, but I'm trying to remain positive".

"Positive" he scoffed "that would be nice, but unfortunately it's not an optimistic intuition, it's real life, it's war, and I'm on the wrong side! No one will see me as a victim, So even if this is all over I still won't be safe, and I'll still have to live with the guilt" he ranted with venom isolating himself away from me.

He still felt like he was alone, and I felt as though he couldn't see me or that I simply didn't matter.

"This is all happening to me too Draco" I reminded with frowned eyebrows.

We were silent for a moment, and we were both perfectly awake by now.

"You blame me, don't you?" he glared analysing my features under the dim lighting.

"What?" I shook my head, unable to process the bitterness in his tone.

"You do" he accused.

"No, I don't. Draco how many times do I have to say that we're in this together? We're both struggling, and it's neither of our faults, the circumstances are difficult, and so are the decisions we make along the way" I argued back.
It was true, I didn't blame him. It hurt that he thought so little of me.

He stood up and walked to the opposite end of the room, holding his head in his hands. I got up too.

"You told me to leave you!" he reminded his voice rising.

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