Surviving The Complicated [Book Four]

Two

Demi

"Mommy, let go" my lips formed into a pout as Isaiah tried to squirm from my grip that I had been holding him in for at least the last 5 minutes. I don't want my baby to grow up.

"Dem" I pulled my face from Isaiah's neck and glanced up at Kobe who settled his hand on my shoulder. His eyebrows raised and I sighed with defeat as I finally loosened my grip on Isaiah.

"You be a good boy for your teacher, okay?"

"I always good, Mommy."

"Yeah, you are" I cupped his chin in my hand and pressed a kiss to his cheek. His face scrunched up and he wiped at his cheek. "You too cool for mommy's kisses now that you're at school?" he giggled as he continued to wipe at his cheek.

"I love you, Mommy" he leant into me and my heart burst, tears burning at the back of my eyes as his arms tightened around my neck.

"I love you too, Handsome. You have the best day ever, okay?" he nodded as he pulled away from me. He gave me a smile before he jumped at Kobe.

"I love you too, Daddy."

"Love you, Bud. Have a good day. Be a good boy" Isaiah nodded as he pulled away from Kobe. I pushed myself to stand, leaning into Kobe's side, trying so hard to hold in my tears as we watched Isaiah walk into his classroom. Kobe pulled me into him as I choked on a sob. He pressed a kiss to my cheek and just held me until I managed to calm myself. "He's going to have the best day, okay? Come on, let's go before you go in there and drag him out" Kobe guided me from the school and back towards the car. I slid into the passenger seat as Kobe climbed into the driver's seat. He ran his hand along my thigh and turned to face me as I sniffled and wiped my cheeks.

"He's getting too big" I stared down at my hands and twiddled my fingers. "We'll never get to do this with Thea."

"I know, Baby" nothing else was said. There wasn't anything else to be said. Kobe comforted me until he felt I had calmed down enough for him to feel comfortable driving without having to stop to comfort me. "You want dropping off at the office?" I'm in the process of writing a book, a biography which is called 'Demi Lovato: Dancing With The Devil' and for the first time in my life, I'm being completely honest about everything.

"Please" he gave me a smile and gave my hand a squeeze as he headed towards my managements office. The drive to work was silent, other than the radio which was playing quietly. I didn't make much of an attempt to climb from the car as Kobe came to a stop in the parking lot.

"Baby?" he ran his hand along mine. I jumped, turning to meet his worried gaze. "Why don't you take the day off? You don't look too good" he lightly caressed my cheek. I suddenly didn't feel too good either. "I'll message Sirah when we get home, see if she's free to spend the day with you while I'm at work. I don't want to leave you on your own" I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"I don't need babysitting, Ko."

"I know you don't, but please?" I sighed in defeat. When we lost Theodora over 2 years ago, I lost myself. Kobe and I ended up on the verge of divorce and I was days away from doing something stupid. I know relationships have arguments and fallouts but I never thought anything so horrific would happen to my family. I never thought that I would fail to carry my child to full term. I was 28 weeks when the pains started, but it didn't feel normal, it didn't feel like what my other pregnancies did. We had a checkup and found out that our baby girl was stillborn. Nothing will ever heal my heart from that. Kobe saw me at my worst and he never once gave up on me. Even as I pushed him further and further away, he never gave up. He always came back. He saved me from myself. And I may have to deal with him being a little overbearing, but I honestly wouldn't have him any other way. He's my forever, period. "Sirah's on her way over, Babe" I numbly nodded as I stared up at the tv. Kobe lifted Cinderella up and onto the couch, the poor little dog now too old to be able to do much. We also lost Batman the year that we lost Theodora and I think that hit me just as hard because he was technically my first baby. "I love you" my lips twitched ever so slightly, tears pricking at the back of my eyes as my heart suddenly filled with guilt that didn't help to settle the nausea I felt creeping in.

"I love you too" he leant to press a kiss to my temple as he affectionately stroked Cinderella. He didn't move from the couch until a knock sounded on the door. He came back to kiss me goodbye before he headed off to work, leaving me with Sirah who took a seat on the couch beside me.

"You want to watch a movie?" she asked as she aimlessly flicked through the tv channels. "There's this really funny..."

"I'm pregnant" silence fell around us as Sirah turned to me.

"What?"

"I-I'm pregnant" I could see out of the corner of my eye, her lips twitch up into a smile.

"Dem, that's amazing, isn't it?" I shook my head, tears now flowing down my cheeks.

"I-I don't want it" I turned to meet her gaze, the guilt eating me alive. "What if the same thing happens that happened with Thea? I-I can't go through that again. What if I have a miscarriage again? What if I lose it, Sirah? I don't want to go through that again, I can't go through that again" Sirah shuffled towards me and locked me in a hug, her arms tight around me as I sobbed into her neck, hoping that she would make the decision for me even though I know she can't.

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