Rays in the Dark

On the edge of after-life.

As the sun rises, the wind

will carry me away.

Quick as the licking flames of fire,

everything that makes me

drag this blade as the blood runs,

drip-drip-dripping to this walnut floor.

Tears drip-drip-drip to my shirt like rain

screaming, exploding onto that

Sylvan beach shore.

My mother always told me that I could be strong.

So, I stand, with shaking hands,

but, Mama, it's been so long

since I have smiled and meant it.

I had heaps of love,

but she spent it.

Those too-dry eyes broke me

as she rode away, engine smoking,

ready to blow up this town

we both sear to leave

as we lie choking on ganja

with the promise of eloping.

Maybe this is what I needed,

just not what I wanted.

Maybe I wanted a closed casket

on a fall day with the sun

just peeking through the clouds

as lovers run back together,

vines entangled forever,

so that their hearts don't break like mine.

He said, 'Leave my body by the liquor store',

and I thought maybe I could

drown out my sorrows,

but I just have empty bottles

and unshed tears and torn out pages

on the floor of this room in this town

I hate so much.

Pretentious kings try to use me

as I stand,

cheeks flushed in the winter snow.

I try to spill my blood,

but then a whispering boy tiptoes back

and he tells me something good

with those hands that once held me.

He tells me

he loves me.