tw: depression, homophobia, suicidal related thoughts
[a/n: never forget to take care of yourself. i love every single one of you and you aren't alone <3]
it was 4am in the morning.
yet again.
a time of the morning that taeyong had grown to despise more than anything in the world.
it didn't help that his phone was covered with miss calls and texts from his friends. he wasn't even bothered to open the door for them when they banged on it loudly.
taeyong, once again, was weak. absolutely dreaded.
he was just about ready to not wake up in the morning.
he hated this feeling. he hated how his slim body sunk into the bed like it was a part of him, eating him up hour after hour.
taeyong was convinced that his purpose in life was to never experience happiness again. maybe he wasn't meant to seek refuge from his terrors. maybe he was meant to endure it until the time has come.
as much as at some point, it wasn't my fair, he felt like it was what he deserved. what he deserved for not being the guy his mom wanted him to be: not gay. or going against all the rules of his home. or leading jaehyun into the "sinful" path of homosexuality, against his father's judgement and expectations.
it wasn't fair that they both grew up in conservative homes, their lives surrounding an identity they both knew were not them. their actions and desires sinful to their parents' eyes. worldly gratification they sought, only to be punished as according to their parents' teaching.
it wasn't fair. how could love so profound be so forbidden?
but if it was exactly how his mom said it would be like if they were to deny her teachings, it was only fair.
fuck.
'i'm sorry, mom.' he sealed his eyes shut, letting the tears flood in his eyelids.
god, he missed her. when she wasn't the way she was after his step dad came into their life.
when she used to run her fingers through his hair while they watched some comedy skit on tv. or when she used to smile with scrunched nose when taeyong would complain about his older sister being able to do things that he couldn't just because he was younger.
he missed feeling happy.
it was way too long.
way too long.
—
a/n
ok maybe i kind of went off track because i wrote this like it was my diary. no one asked for me to rant about my passed homophobia experience through taeyong's character LMAO.
anyways, i hope everyone is ok and wish everyone a good day or evening. i love you and you are not alone <3
- A
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inseperable; jaeyong
Fanfictionwhere taeyong is seperated from his high school love, where he finds himself wondering whether his other half had forgotten him. but a stranger walks passed him, only for taeyong to fill his nose with a familiar scent... 'if feels as if i was living...
