Lucky lukey has me even though i look like i only date lucys
And aimees and Mariahs and caras
I look like this dykey queen when really in edging non binary
Its so weird presenting gay when you're straight
Its like the fucked up analogy or hot take of those gay short films
Flipping the roles of the people who would have carried the bodies of dying men and have been the dying of the aids epidemic
And those who ignored and shamed it
Blame it on whores
Make it godless
Shameful
Unfit for childrenWhich is a shame but i guess its too late for my little sister
She knows who i love and how much
And im that figure in her life
Corrupting her slowly they'd say
Still its strange
I present gay when this love is straight
Well
Close to
In order to unpack my own identity it requires some level of self perception, of thinking and
Of answering my own self questions
To do things i cant do yet without feeling like ill self destruct
So right now
We are straight
I tell people how in love i am with this girl
And its almost fucking hilarious because the one im fawning over
Is this literal fucking man
This gorgeous perfect handsome man
Its crazy and its weird because i know i have to lie and i know thats how we will present until it is safe
Until it is time
And im fucking crazy itching for us to reach that time that space
That point where everything can begin for him
And he can transition and i tell people how proud i am of my boy
It feels selfish because i know he hurts and he struggled and hes in pain
And i wish him the world
You know when he told me i didn't hesitate to say ill love you always
I wont lie loving him as a man feels so right and his arms are and always have been unquestionably home
But what if im not doing enough
How do i support him better
Be better and do better for him in all his rough patchesIn his bad days
How can i help and what i can change
I know who he fucking is and his birth certificate never fucking mattered to me
And i wish i could forget his baby pictures he never wanted me to see
And to irrefutably proof to him i see him as a man and my boy purely truly lovingly and fully
Lucky lukey has me because i love him as himself infinitely
But im never doing enough or seeing enough
But ill try harder and do better
Every step of the way
Tell people about my partner
About 'them' like i do
like i have
Like i willAnd on some part of my brain theres a smile creeping up on me
Knowing one day maybe soon
We get that space where i see my boy in his element
And i get to look over and see
Him
My boy
And ill hold him like i always do
Heart beating out my chest
Leaning in for a kiss
Knowing i couldnt be more in love
And this could not be more right
YOU ARE READING
Shit rant poems
PoetryThere are so so so many typos and one day, I'll fix them all.....maybe