ᴄʜᴇʀʀʏ ᴇʏᴇꜱ ~ ᴜꜱʜɪᴛᴇɴ

21. Hands

As Tendou ate with Ushijima that night, Ushijima seemed incredibly tired, not responding as much and wanting desperately to cling to Tendou. The red head just let him, not minding. 

"Mkay. That's the seventh episode of The Office. And it's one in the morning."

"Mhmm." Ushijima reached to press the space bar on Tendou's lap top.

"Bub. No."

"No? Why no?"

"Bub I'm exhausted. You seem a lil tired too. It's time to go to bed, okay?"

"I'm not tired."

"Bub. You need to go to bed. We're gonna try something new tonight to get you to sleep." Tendou closed his lap top. Ushijima whined softly. "Hush, hush I know."

"Mm." Ushijima sat there, obviously not wanting to sleep.

Tendou took off his sweater and changed into sweatpants. "I need you to take off your shirt."

"Why?"

"It's part of the thing."

Ushijima took off his shirt and stayed on the bed.

"Ah, you don't like sleeping in those pants." Tendou picked up a pair of black sweatpants. "Here. Put these on."

Ushijima put them on and stayed sitting on his bed. He huffed at Tendou.

"Don't get pouty."

"I don't see the point in this."

"Well Mr. Pouty. Gimme a chance at this." Tendou laid down and rearranged the pillows and blankets a bit. "Lay down like you were earlier. On my chest."

Ushijima laid down on Tendou's chest. "Mm... I don't want to go to sleep."

"Well you need to so quit. You sound like me."

Ushijima closed his eyes. "How am I going to fall asleep?"

"What can you hear?"

"You talking and the filter for Flip's tank."

"Mkay. Listen." Tendou took a deep breath.

"You're breathing."

"Mhmm. Try and focus on that. I'll tell you the other part when you can focus, okay?"

"Fine."

"Sassy pants." Tendou turned the lights down to a dark blue. Ushijima opened his eyes for a moment before closing them again. "You focused?"

"Mhmm."

"Try breathing in time with me. When I breathe in you do. I tried this a bunch with Goshiki. It helps a lot."

Ushijima nodded. "Can you turn on your side?"

Tendou turned on his side, holding Ushijima close. He stopped talking and slowed his breathing down a bit. Ushijima soon enough caught on, taking the same deep breaths with him.

Finally, Tendou felt Ushijima relax into him the rest of the way and snuggle close.

"You okay...?"

Ushijima stayed quiet, curled up in Tendou's arms.

He was asleep. Finally. Tendou put his head down a bit and kissed Ushijima's hair. "Night night Bub."

He glanced at the clock through the sheets. It was nearly two in the morning. It had taken a while but it had worked. He'd helped Ushijima fall asleep.

As long as Ushijima was okay, he felt okay.

****

In the morning, Ushijima woke up first. He didn't move immediately but rather just staid there. Tendou felt nice and warm. It was relaxing. Ushijima looked up to see Tendou's hair limp and covering his face.

Gently, Ushijima moved the hair from his face and held his cheek.

Tendou took a deep breath through his nose. "I'm a light sleeper Bub."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Tendou whispered. He held Ushijima's hand, eyes still closed. "How'd you sleep last night?" 

"I feel better right now so I think I slept well."

"Good." Tendou yawned. "You sleep like a baby."

Ushijima nodded. "I'm a heavy sleeper."

"Hehe. Yeah." Tendou sat up slowly. He rubbed his eyes. His eyes scanned the room. "Oh it's late... I have practice again soon."

"Okay. I'll make breakfast."

"We snacked last night. I'm not hungry. But thank you." Tendou pressed a sleepy kiss to Ushijima's cheek. "But you do need to eat."

Ushijima got up, helping Tendou to go with him. He led him to the kitchen where Tendou sst on the floor, leaning against the cabinets. Ushijima stared. "Are you alright?"

"Just a lil sleepy."

"But if I slept well didn't you?"

"It's okay. Don't worry about it."

"But-"

"No."

Ushijima nodded and returned to what he was doing.

"Hey is Suga ever mean to you?"

"Not intentionally."

"Eh."

"Was he rude to you?"

"Yeah. It was weird. He got personal too, which always hurts."

"Personal? Personal how?"

"I don't think you're ready to know about that."

"I might be though. Not many things are overly bad." Ushijima glanced at Tendou.

"Hm... alright." He held up his hands.  "Take a good look."

Ushijima bent down to better see and frowned. "Your hands are scared."

"Yep."

"Why?"

"Lighters. Knives. Toothpaste tube corner. Anything that could cause me harm." Tendou flexed his fingers. "Hm." 

"You self harmed?"

"Well yeah. I still do. But hey, Suga thinks he can make remarks about it so I guess I'm fine."

"Oh no that's not okay." Ushijima reached under the sink and pulled out a first aid kit. He gently took Tendou's hands into his and put an antibiotic on the burns and cuts. It was odd how they'd laid in bed together for about three months now but yet he'd never noticed how his hands were marked up. 

"You okay?"

"I'm fine. Does this hurt?"

"It just stings. You don't need to clean them..."

"They will get infected."

"Hey, it's okay. Really, it is." Tendou sighed, watching as Ushijima pulled out a roll of bandages. They looked like the ones he'd used to wrap his fingers in during volleyball. 

"You can't harm yourself."

"It's not like I can just stop."

"I don't mean just stop. I mean, you need to work on stopping. It's bad for your body and mental health." Ushijima started wrapping Tendou's hands up. 

His hands felt so warm...

"I'll make sure things are out of your reach and you have to let me check when you feel comfortable to let me do so."

"Okay..."

"Thank you." Ushijima turned Tendou's hand over and rubbed over the bandages. His brows furrowed for a moment before he looked up at Tendou. He kissed Tendou's forehead, soon bringing him into a hug. 

"O-oh." 

"Am I allowed to help?"

"You can try."

"Thank you." 

Tendou closed his eyes, hands now shaky. "Bub you're gonna make me cry... you're so nice to me..."

"Why wouldn't I be nice to you? I care about you." Ushijima hugged him tighter. "Very much actually."