Our Forever

deep end (part two)

Jennie

Sometimes the soothing sound that comes after the rain isn't the best comfort. And sometimes you will find comfort in someone's eyes. But with me, love was just pointless.

Love is the strangest drug that will make you want more, but know all the ways to destroy you.

"I want to touch you with love, Jennie".

A stranger, she was just a stranger with the same hunger that turned into someone I got addicted to. Her fire is the comfort to my cold heart, but I can't give in.

She part her lips, seeming so fragile in the spot as I stared into her eyes and asked, "Love? Since when do we call this love?".

"Since I met you". She answered.

"Jennie, there is something so different in you that I'm struggling to find in someone else--". I had to cut her off.

She doesn't mean it.

"That difference that you're looking for, has always been the lust, Lisa".

"I'm just a one night stand". I hid my shaky voice and firmly avoided her eyes by giving my back to her.

"What if I say that you're not?".I was surprised when she got up to face me because more than anything no one was ever brave enough to face my demons.

The fire was in her eyes, but my heart was cold, it didn't need another fire inside it, "Won't change a thing".

"Don't do this, Jennie. I know that you want this too..".

Can someone be so worthy of being loved for their soul rather than be lusted for, for their body?

I gave her such a twisted smile, and chose to drown into the softness of her lips rather than those eyes by brushing my finger against her bottom lip; "I know that you want me. But there is no such thing as love, Lisa".

I wanted her to listen.

I also wanted her to run away.

"Love is the fake reality we create inside of our heads when we're feeling lonely..".

"I want you".

No, she doesn't want you.

"You don't want me".

"I do".

Could she?

"You don't Lisa-ya". I had to hide. I knew I was starting to get attached to her so fast. My heart wasn't fonder of loving, but I found myself being attracted to her.

With uneasiness, I smile.

"Don't leave..".

"You fell for the wrong person, Lisa".

Please love me.

"This is your deep end".

Let me love you, let's drown together.

Instead of anger, I was met by soft arms that pulled me closer, "My deep end.. is here with you".

"Why are you resisting me so much?".

Because I don't want to get hurt.

"I'm your one night stand-". Her index finger was placed on my lips, making me stop this time as I gathered the courage to look into her eyes. They were a mixture of sadness and hope at the same time.

But how can someone balance two emotions in just one look?

I avoided the look in her eyes and pulled her in hungrily for a kiss. I didn't want to act upon my emotions, because what's the point of revealing them when they were literally on thin ice.

Lisa didn't kiss back.

She pulled away but inched closer,  whispering; "You don't have to be my one-night stand anymore".

"Let go of me..". I gulped hard and hoped this time she would actually let me go instead of being so stubborn. But this woman right here; knew what she wanted. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me closer to her chest.

"Why? Why are you scared of letting me in?".

Because I've been deceived so many times.

"Because this isn't love, Lisa".

"Then what is it?". She seemed upset to say the least.

I didn't answer.

Lisa heavily sighed, "Jennie, I see the look on your face whenever I inch closer or stare at those eyes. Whenever my attention is on another woman, you're always finding a way to distract me. Tell me that isn't love, and it's just basically us fucking the brains out of each other".

"Lisa..".

"I don't get why you're acting this way or what has gotten into you when I told you that I want you in a way, that is more than just lust or constant sex". I bit my lip as she spoke, "Feeling something for someone isn't wrong, and I don't care how stubborn you get—".

I grabbed her by the back of the neck and kissed her. Fireworks exploded in my stomach—the rush in my bloodstream was like a windy breeze, that made me want to search for air. But how can I breathe, when all I wanted to feel is her lips on mine?

I pulled away with tears eyes, "I don't want to fall.. you fool".

"And what is wrong with that?".

"You won't understand—".

"No, make me understand". Lisa brushed her hand on my cheek.

"Make me understand why it's so hard". Lisa muttered in a low voice.

"I don't want to fall in love.. again". I confessed.

Lisa nodded and kissed my cheeks, "I want you to trust me, Nini".

Nini?

"Please".

My heart skipped a beat.

I do trust you.

"I want to". I muttered, "But what if I dive too deep?".

"Then we dive together. It's our own deep end, Jennie". With that Lisa kissed me as I bit her bottom lip, almost making those pretty lips bleed. And maybe to myself, I seem like a psychopath, but I'm only human.

I deserve to be loved.

I want her here forever; even if I won't match her expectations.

I want Lisa's love.